One would think that in order to move on from said horrible experience, baby girl would want to get rid of that last name and start fresh on a clean slate.

In a recent interview with Rick and Sasha, Drea tries to justify her reasons for still choosing to keep Robert’s last name.

When asked why she hasn’t dropped the last name Kelly, Drea  said: “Well, when people say association, that’s, like, a club or fraternity or whatever. I paid for my name in blood, sweat and tears. Literally. Nobody knows what it was like to be Drea Kelly. Drea Kelly is strong. Drea Kelly is a survivor. Drea Kelly made it away from Robert Kelly. That is my badge. I will not and I know people wanna think, ‘Oh, well, if the abuse is so bad, why keep the name?’ The name didn’t abuse me. Robert did.”

She also mentioned that if she had a commonplace last name, she probably would not be being interviewed by them on the radio right now.

In case you didn’t know, Drea has been part of a cast for reality show, Hollywood Exes, and has been featured on various daytime talk shows, in which she constantly recounts the abuse she endured, and her desire to help women who are going through domestic violence get the help they need.

According to Bustle, she once told hosts of The View:

“…that she had decided to start speaking out about the alleged abuse after seeing another woman on TV describe troubling incidents she says were similar to ones she experienced herself. “You cannot not speak when someone’s life and what they’ve been through is parallel to yours,” Kelly, who also goes by “Drea,” said in the same interview.

I wanted to bring validity to these women’s stories… So much of it falls on deaf ears and no one believes them… I was like, ‘If no one else is going to speak up for her, if no one else is going to believe her, at least she knows that I do.'”

While many have lauded her for raising awareness about domestic violence, others criticize her for choosing to keep her ex husband’s last name, insinuating that she is using that avenue as an opportunity to gain fame and profit from it.

What do you think?

Photo Credit: Surviving R.Kelly

In case you missed my disclaimer before, here it is again (because I know some of y’all don’t read haha):

So, before you roll eyes, hold up! This isn’t yet another trite article written by a Nigerian married woman who thinks her “Mrs” title gives her the audacity to advise unmarried women about how to snag a lifetime bae. Although I’ve known my husband for about 5 years, I’ve only been married for a couple of months. I’m in no way, shape, or form, a relationship/marriage expert. I can only talk about things from my OWN perspective. You may or may not agree with my views (and that’s okay!).

Here are some additional tips for finding Mr. Right:

Put God first

The mere fact that you love someone doesn’t necessarily mean you should marry them. Put God first. Pray about the person and ask God if he is truly the person you are meant to be with for a lifetime. From my experience, you will get the answer to this question in unique ways. God may blatanly give you an answer  via dreams and visions. Or you may suddenly find yourself in a particular situation with your partner, and judging by the way you both react it, the answer will become clear. The answer may also come seemingly serendipitously while you are interacting with other people in your everyday life.

Don’t compare Your Man with Your Friend’s Man

You never know what’s going on behind closed doors in anyone’s relationship. So don’t go comparing your partner with anyone else’s. For instance, let’s say your partner is very materially wealthy. He pays all your bills, gives you a monthly allowance, and takes you on shopping trips around the world. But then you have a friend whose partner isn’t as wealthy as yours and perhaps they split all their bills 50-50, but it appears that what he lacks in finances, he makes up for with touching acts of love and heartfelt displays of affection – a quality you may feel like your own partner doesn’t have as much of. Then you start to feel envious because you want more of what you friend’s partner has. Don’t do that! Be content with what what you have. Longing for what someone else has ultimately leads to feelings of discontent, which may prevent you from missing out on the fact that your own partner may just be husband material.

Don’t look to marriage as a source of a completion

Some women feel incomplete because society says that at a certain age, they are supposed to have gotten married. Despite having a good career and being an amazing human being, women are made to feel incomplete if they aren’t married and I just can’t wrap my head around why people think this way. It is utter rubbish. Girl, live your life! Whenever marriage happens it will happen. You are complete, whole, and beautiful right here, and right now.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime

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Stay tuned for part 3!

In the meantime, please share your thoughts in the comments section below on additional tips on How to Find a Good Husband…

Anyhoo. So my inspiration for writing this article came over the weekend, when my Public Relations company helped organize an intimate youth empowerment event in which millenials (mostly women) got a chance to be mentored by Talk Show Host/women’s empowerment advocate, Jo Maxwell. A wide range of topics were discussed, including entrepreneurship, career, education, and relationships.

During the event, I witnessed a very interesting conversation that transpired amongst some Nigerian millenial women (probably in their early-to-mid twenties) regarding finding “Mr Right” and marriage.

One of the women present, a 24-year-old pretty Ibo girl who already has a thriving career (let’s call her “Ada”, expressed concerns about finding a good husband. Ada asked her peers present, as well as Jo, what it would take to find a man who wouldn’t be intimidated by her success. She also stated that she always wondered when/how/where she would find a husband, as she’s an Ibo girl and “time isn’t on her side.” In addition, she mentioned that she was under pressure from some of her family members to get married.

Some of the other women present at the event advised her to disregard the pressure she was experiencing and just be patient about finding a hubby. Jo also have her some awesome advice, and I chimed in as well.

After hearing Ada express her concerns about marriage, I felt the need to address this issue on my blog. Because these are concerns many single women face in Nigeria, and even in other parts of Africa, due to cultural beliefs tying a woman’s worth to her marital status.

Here is some advice on the issue from my own perspective. Again, I’m NOT a relationship or marriage expert. However, I believe that sharing my views about this issue may help someone out there who is worried about marriage.

My thoughts on finding the right husband are as follows:

Don’t look for him. He will find you

I believe that when you are truly ready to meet your God-ordained partner, he will find you when you least expect it. You don’t have to go hunting for a man. I really don’t believe that seeking love should be a stressful affair. Love yourself. Stay true to yourself. When you are ready in God’s eyes, lifetime bae will come. My hubby found me at the gym under less-than-sexy circumstances. Seriously. I was sweating bucketloads on an elliptical machine. I hadn’t showered. I had ProActiv pimple treatment cream on some parts of my face due to menstruation-induced pimples. I had not showered. I did not smell nice. But for some bizarre reason which I could not understand, he came up to me and started talking to me. We exchanged numbers and spoke once in a while purely on a platonic level, and we never saw each other physically until about a year after we first met. The rest as they say, is history.

If he encourages your success, he’s a keeper!

You don’t need a man who feels intimidated by your success. Rather, he should encourage you to be the best version of yourself in all areas of your life. Even if you are doing better than him financially or career-wise, he should be proud of you and keep encouraging you to excel even more.

If he’s showing signs of jealousy or a controlling nature due to the fact that you’re doing well, please run away fast and don’t look back. Do NOT think you can change him during marriage.

I once had a friend that experienced this same situation. Her fiancé had never liked the fact that she made more money than he did, and he was actually very vocal about his displeasure. However, due to pressure she had put on herself to get marrie at a certain age, she convinced herself that she could work on changing his mindset during the marriage. Sadly, this was not the case.

Under the guise of wanting to be her sole provider and be a good husband, when they got married, he convinced her to quit her six-figure salary job and be a housewife. And that’s when his true colours really began to show. He started to emotionally and physically abuse and manipulate her. Well, that marriage didn’t last up to a year, because she filed for a divorce after she realized that no amount of fasting and prayers would ever change him.

Don’t succumb to family pressure

Easier said than done in many cases, I know. But the truth of the matter is that often times, this pressure is exerted for selfish reasons. Many parents want to feel proud to tell their friends that their daughter is finally getting married. They want to organize an elaborate wedding to boost their own egos, sell aso-ebi, and just be all-round “extra.” Girl, remember that wedding only lasts for one or two days, and the marriage lasts for a lifetime! After parents, friends, and wedding guests have finished eating all the small chops, jollof rice, nkwobi, amala and gbegiri, they will go back to their own homes to their own families. You will subsequently be left alone with your husband. You may never even get any phone calls from many of your so-called “aunties” and “uncles” after the wedding to check on you to enquire about how you are coping in your new home. NOPE. Once they digest and shit out the small chops, you become a distant memory in their minds. So why get married to please them or anyone else?

I once heard about a woman who found out the day before the wedding that her husband-to-be (whom parents had “arranged” for her by the way) was cheating on her with an ex girlfriend. She told her mom she wanted to call off the wedding, but mommy was like “yo dude, we’ve paid for the hall, cake, food, people are attending from out of town, just manage for now and sort it out during the marriage.” LOL.

Anyways you get the point. DON’T MARRY TO PLEASE YOUR FAMILY. Do it on your own terms, how and when you want to do it. Who cares if you are over 30 and unmarried? Marriage is not a competition. Or an achievement.  Don’t let family and society brainwash you.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime

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Stay tuned for part 2!

In the meantime, please share your thoughts on the matter in the comment section below…