She bares it all in this interview: From her battle with depression, to going through menopause, learning how to be a good partner and also the struggles of living up to the expectations of being a “strong black woman”. She raised some very deep issues in this feature that help to teach a lot of life lessons. It is not often that you see a black woman be so open and honest about what they are feeling and their struggles.

One of the most compelling aspects of the interview is when she talks about “the culture of silence” in the black community, and how this culture is killing us all slowly. I say “us” because although Taraji is African American, and I’m African – specifically – Nigerian, I feel like it’s something that we can relate to as well.

Taraji mentioned that in the Black Community, people tend to talk freely about anything from thyroids, to cancer, to wife beaters, robberies, murders and gang violence, but when it comes to actually talking about how these challenges make them feel or the emotions they stir up people, or how such trauma has impacted them, most people just shut down and just sweep it under the rug. She says:

“We have to break this cycle of keeping quiet…when you’re quiet, things aren’t fixed. They get worse.”

Amongst our people, there is so much pressure to keep things bottled up and just push things down. Ignore the pain, just work through it, be strong, don’t let it keep you down, you don’t need to talk about it, it’s over; these are some of the statements that are used to encourage people to keep their emotions bottled up.

I know firsthand, how overwhelming it can be to keep feelings of discomfort bottled up. I used to be the kind of person who would never let anyone know if something was bothering me. I would keep it bottled inside till the sad feelings submerged me emotionally. Over time, I realized that if I didn’t find a way to “unbottle” my feelings, they could become detrimental to my well-being. Luckily, a particular friend of mine became my closest confidante, and my world changed. Suddenly, I felt a sweet kind of freedom to express myself with no limits whenever I was going through a rough patch, and trust me, being able to do this is a gift.

The truth is keeping things inside doesn’t help anybody. We are all human and we need to be able to talk about our pain, that’s the first step to working through it.

Taraji says she realized she suffered from depression about two years ago; this was because she started having sudden mood swings. She says:

“I would get so low, really, really low, beaten, like never before… You may have those days [when] you’re like, ‘Oh, I just don’t feel like getting out of bed. I just want to sleep in,’ but you don’t feel heavy. I was just starting to feel heavy a lot, [like] suffocating…. It just came out of nowhere.”

When she started feeling this way she realized she needed to get help. Also, her son was going through some issues as well at the time, as his father was murdered when he was nine and his grandfather died about two years later. It was a lot to deal with and he shutdown emotionally.

Henson went on a journey to find a ‘unicorn’ therapist as she called it, who could understand her cultural background and really get where she was coming from. When she finally found her therapist and started expressing how she was feeling to her she discovered that her mood swings actually stemmed from the fact that she was going through menopause – a fact she probably wouldn’t have discovered if she hadn’t sought to get the help she needed.

These experiences ignited her passion form mental health awareness in the black community – especially among kids from ages 5-18.

She started her own foundation called the Boris Lawrence Henson Foundation, which was started to help diminish the stigma around mental health in the black community. The foundation helps schools create “peace corners,” or areas in classrooms for students to safely express their feelings.

In addition, the foundation is also working to place culturally competent therapists in schools, and also makes available a database of therapists anyone can access, amongst other benefits. The foundation is named after Henson’s father, who was thought to have bipolar disorder.

“I hope that one day we can all be free to talk about mental health and be okay with seeking help,” she says.

And I agree with her.

Photo Credit: SELF

Adulting is tough! Sometimes I look back at my childhood days and wished that it never ended. Back then when I didn’t have to worry about life issues and all the drama. Back then all we were concerned about was when our favorite cartoons would be shown and TV and also, bedtime (lol).

Oh the good old days!

But now we are all grown up. We have to face the realities of life and sometimes, those realities can take a detrimental toll on our mental health.

Now let us take a look at what mental health is about:

Mental health includes emotional, psychological, and social well-being. It affects how we think, feel, and act. It also helps determine how we handle stress, relate to others, and make choices. Mental health is important at every stage of life, from childhood and adolescence through adulthood.

Having read different articles on mental health to better educate myself, I picked out some key areas I think may be important for young millennial women to be aware of:

1. Comparison is a thief of our joy: The moment you come to the terms with the fact that everyone in the world has a unique destiny, you will stop comparing yourself to them.
2. Be patient with yourself: Life is very unpredictable. Most times we want things to work out in our own way, at our own time. We have our life goals all laid out with timelines, and when things don’t go as planned, we get anxious and depressed. Let us exercise some patience Queens, remember that where there is life, there is hope.
3. Always remind yourself that no one has it all together: We are sometimes fooled by the glitz and glamour we see especially on social media. People only post whatever they want us to see. Remember that.
4. Appreciate where you are and what you have: An attitude of gratitude is good for our mental health. When we become grateful for what we have, we look at life in a positive light, and that can help us appreciate our lives and live in the present.
5. Stay away from toxic people and environments: The effect of toxicity in our lives can be very catastrophic. Walk away from any relationship or situation that no longer serves you.
6. Forgive yourself: We all have made mistakes in the past. Forgive yourself and move on.

You are strong. You are beautiful. You are worthy.

Photo Credit: Getty Images

I have come to realize that these feelings of doubt creep in mostly because we don’t take time to honor some changes/growth in our lives.

Throwback to about three weeks ago when I started to feel burnt out, I had to pause and remember some excerpts from an Emotional Intelligence class I attended where the teacher said to always “name the feeling” . In the midst of the crisis, panic attacks and tears, always pause and ask your self ” what is this about?” “what do I need”? – This is supposed to allow you pick out the things that will help you get out of that phase or feel a little bit better.

Today, I’m going to share tips I’ve learned and I’m currently practicing:

• Identify what is bugging you: Often, when we are feeling a sense of discomfort, we just go about our lives and act like “meh, I’ll deal with it later”, or you start to lash out at people (guilty!) or you turn to unhealthy habits like eating too much, drinking too much, or other destructive habits. All of that is only going to lead you to a dark place. First, Identify what the problem is. Do you feel you are not getting enough support? Do you feel choked up? Do you feel like you need a change of environment? Do you feel anxious about change? Having a sense of awareness about the problem enables you to look for ways to tackle it. That sense of understanding will help you be kinder to yourself and to the people around you.
• Create healthy boundaries: This one has been of great help to me, as it has helped me identify what my work hours and the time spent on various aspects of my life are. I identified these time frames and that, you guys, was one of the most daunting things to do because I can be quite disorganized. Create boundaries with your time, your relationships, social media, etc.
• Find ways to blow off steam: This could be something as simple as calling a friend. A good friend will pull you out of any dark moment faster than you would if you were alone. That being said, I want to thank God for friends that I can trust, laugh with, hang out with, bond over poems and movies with, and friends that just genuinely love me. That being said also, dump that TOXIC friend in your life today!
• Treat yourself: Go window shopping, eat good food, get a haircut, exfoliate your skin, etc. Treat yourself, because it is a way to remind yourself that everything is going to be okay and that you are deserving & worthy but please, don’t get reckless about it. Spend wisely too.
• Create a to-do list: I’m probably the only one on earth that dislikes schedules but because never say never, I started creating to-do lists and I started out with a list of 3 things and slowly it moved to 5, 6 and so on. To-do lists help me figure out what is really important and what needs to be done. A to-do list helps put one’s mind at ease as it just feels really good when you tick something off your list.

I hope these tips come in handy and that you will be kinder to yourself because you deserve happiness and all the good things of life.

Photo Credit: ShutterStock

Although it was mental awareness month only last month, however; beyond recognition of the month set aside for this, there is obviously an increasing need to keep speaking about depression. Social media messages about “checking on your strong friend,” have been rolling around and we think it’s an absolute necessity.

Fashion entrepreneur and rapper, MoCheddah recently took to social media to reveal her own 4-year battle with depression, also adding that she wishes she had gotten help sooner.  She gives excellent advice for victims currently going through depression and other related mental health issues. She also listed a few helpful centers within Nigeria that people can contact should they need assistance in this area.

See below:

Fortunately for the former beauty queen, she was able to silence the voices that tried to keep her down by confronting her fears.

Here’s what she said:

“You know, growing up I suffered Depression. I was so young to understand life, yet I wanted out. I was in a dark place. I had several suicidal thoughts but somehow I found the strength to live through all of them. As a younglin, I was shy and really withdrawn. Where there were several people talking I wouldn’t dare speak for fear of being asked to shut up. I knew I was funny and smart inside my head, but will just crack the joke/give the opinion in my head. I envied those with “great personalities”.

I was lonely. I had a few friends but I was Lonely. I was sad but really didn’t understand why. This continued even till my late teenage years, suicidal thoughts were gone But I was still unhappy. Constantly looking for what/who would accept and maybe make me happy. One day, I decided I was going to find my voice. I was gonna speak when I wanted to, I was gonna crack a joke when i felt like it and if no one laughs at it I’m gonna laugh anyway cos I’m funny as heck! I was gonna do whatever I wanted to do. I knew I had a great personality and I decided it had to shine! Guess what, the universe worked side by side me on this one. It became a TABOO for me to hang around anyone who makes me feel less of myself. A TABOO! Life handed me a huge scissors and i just chopped away! Cutting off, moulding and protecting myself.

I’m writing all this today because I want to speak to you who’s going through depression especially at a young age. The suicide rate amongst the youth is alarming.

I’m sorry you have to go though this phase for whatever reason. Yes that’s what it is, a phase! Please hang in there. You have such a bright amazing future ahead and the devil is just trying to mess with your mind. Please fight back. Distance yourself from whatever/whoever brings you to that state. Spend time with yourself and only people who brightens your mood. A bad day isn’t a bad life. Listen to uplifting music. Invest your energy in positivity.

Unfollow anyone on social media who unknowingly puts any kind of pressure on you, heck even if its me! I’ll miss you but you MUST hit that button! Life is Beautiful! And there’s so much to learn and enjoy from it. See you at 90 Boo! Mwah!”

We’re really thankful for the new wave of Nigerian youth who are starting to speak about their mental health. Before this era, mental health topics were a no-go area. It was almost believed that it was non-existent within our communities and struggles with mental stability were strongly limited to the ‘mad man’ on the street with torn clothes eating from trash cans. With more celebrities and known faces speaking out about their battles, it’s helping to make the subject less of a taboo in our communities. We applaud Nancy for her bravery, as speaking out in itself is a show of facing fear.

A wise person once said, “everything good lies at the other end of fear” and I solemnly believe that. What’s fear keeping you from achieving?

Photo Credit: Instagram | Nancy Isime

So, how do successful people spend their time after work? Here are a few tips:

Spend some time with yourself

Yes, spend some quality time with YOU.

Think about it, you spend most of your life at work, surrounded by co-workers. And when you come back from work, you probably spend time with your family or flat mates – which is great.

However, in order to feel rejuvenated and mentally prepared for the next day it is essential that you spend a few moments alone doing things that relax your mind.

For instance, if you have the luxury of time, after work, go and get a pedicure. Or a quick massage. Or go see a movie by yourself. But if you really don’t have the luxury of time and need to go home right after work every day to take care of your family, you can still spend time alone. Even 10 minutes spent alone can help calm your mind. Lock yourself in the bathroom if you have to! Just let the silence envelope you. You can do whatever you want within those 10 minutes. If you are the praying type, pray. Want to meditate? alright. Just want to sit in silence? Fabulous.

According to Psychology Today, ‘Being by yourself with no distractions gives you the chance to clear your mind, focus, and think more clearly. It’s an opportunity to revitalize your mind and body at the same time.’

You will find that when your mind and body are refreshed, you perform better at any tasks you engage in both in the workplace, your social life, and at home.

Read

Okay this may sound kind of boring to some of you at first, but hear us out.

While at work, the only information you are bombarded with is work-related. After work, it’s a great idea to get new inspiration and knowledge that isn’t necessarily related to your current job. Do some reading to get insight on how to achieve your dreams.

For instance, if you are working a 9 to 5 job but are looking to run your own business someday, take some time out to do some reading and research about the field you wish to be an entrepreneur in.

Come on girl, your goal of world domination isn’t going to materialize magically. Nope. You need to spend time after work reading about entrepreneurs that you look up to. What’s their business model like? How can you draw inspiration from them and adapt ideas to fit your own business ideas?

Let’s face it, this kind of reading/research isn’t something you can efficiently do at at work – no matter how hard you try to sneak in a few moments of reading here and there.

The only time you will have to do this reading is after work. You can spend 1o minutes a day doing the reading. Do this every day for a month and you’ll be amazed at just how much knowledge you are able to garner.

Reading for pleasure after work is also a great idea, and can be extremely therapeutic especially when done just before bed. If you are the type that doesn’t like to hold actual books, or you dislike staring at your iPad/tablet screen, you can get one of those audio books, and let it read you to sleep.

You will have successful, peaceful sleep, and feel lovely in the morning! By the way, Enid Blyton books are a personal favourite and are great for the soul (who cares if you are over the age of 18 and still love reading children’s books before bedtime? No judgement here!)

Spend quality time with loved ones

You probably spend most of your time at work with co-workers. After work, it is essential to take some time out to spend time with bae, your besties, or your family.

Go on a dinner date. Go see a play after work. Sit back, relax and let your hair down.

After all, you know what happened to Jack when he overworked himself right? All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

Don’t be like Jack. Make time for play and you will find that your productivity level at work will skyrocket.

Work stress actually takes a toll on productivity. To be successful in any endeavour, play time is necessary.

Photo Credit: www.the-coreport.com

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Have some more tips? Do share in the comments section below.