Our grandmas say there were high moral values and standards back then. Women were seen as precious gems and they were cherished and loved by these men.

Well grandma, in recent times, a lot of things have changed. And I think that it’s because modernization and westernization have influenced our culture to a large extent, including our dating culture.

These days, women are being stringed along in relationships without any destination in mind. When you ask some men where the relationship is heading, their response would be “lets still how it goes”. 

In the process of waiting to for a man to decide, some  ladies have closed the door to other men, had countless abortions, and some have even given these men their life-savings and treated several sexual transmitted diseases. Others have even lost their wombs due to long-term abuse of their reproductive systems.

What inspired this write-up was a recent popular tweet I saw, tagged “O jewa ke eng? (A twitter slang for what is bothering you?).  In response, a lady  shared her dating experience, how she dated a guy for ten years, stole her father’s money, eloped with him to another state, dumped her education and aborted several pregnancies, yet the guy broke up with her over a text message. This lady was disowned by her family already. People on Twitter encouraged her to stay strong.

Easier said than done, but some ladies have landed at psychiatric hospitals due to heart- break and emotional trauma. You may begin to wonder if she was out of her mind for doing what she did. But truth is, people love differently and we have no right to judge anyone. Love is blind.

From my own perspective, I believe that all this can be avoided if single ladies become very prayerful and intentional about who they date.

Personally, I see dating as the period we get to know if whoever we are seeing will make a potential husband. It should be a DEFINED RELATIONSHIP. Personally, I cannot wrap my mind around dating a man just for fun.

I have few nuggets and recommended books that will help you if you are seeing someone new or you have been a relationship for a while and you have no idea where it is heading.

Set some standards: The moment you start setting standards in your relationship is the moment you realize the men that don’t meet up to your expectations. Don’t waste your time and energy. End the relationship now and stop making excuses. Below are some books that can help understand the power of having standards when dating.

• ”Act like a lady, Think like a man” –  Steve Harvey
• “Why men marry Bitches” – Sherry Argov
• “The Rules” Book – Ellen Fein & Sherrie Schneider
• “Boundaries in Dating”  – Henry Cloud

Be intentional: One time when I was hanging out with my girlfriends, we were gisting about our men, then I asked why they are dating who they were with. Surprisingly, I got ridiculous answers like, “I know he is not the one but we just having fun.” Some said, “at least I have a boyfriend who can take me out whenever I want.” Dating men for superficial reasons is not advisable, as a matter of fact, that is where some ladies get stuck. You don’t want to be stuck do you? Please be intentional about your dating life. Some books to help you in this area are as follows:

• “The lady her lover and her lord” – T.D Jakes
• “Waiting and Dating”  – Myles Munroe
• “Secrets of an Irresistible Woman” – Michelle Hammond

Read these books, feed your mind and empower yourself.  You are not some piece of rag any man can use and dump. You are a Queen, wear your crown well.

Photo Credit: Shutterstock

In the latest issue of InStyle Magazine, dubbed it’s ‘Badass Issue,’ Serena dishes on everything from being a doting mother to the pressure she faces to be ‘Serena’. Not only does she give the most concise, witty answers I have read in an interview in a while; she absolutely stuns in the photos taken by Robbie Fimmano as she’s made to appear soft, feminine and vulnerable –  side of her that is rarely ever displayed.

On motherhood

The athletic champion admits to finding out she was pregnant by mistake. She was pretty sure she wasn’t pregnant, so sure, that she forgot about the test for two hours only to find that it was positive and the doctors confirmed that she was 7 weeks gone. Despite the accidental surprise, the champ insists that it has been a huge blessing, the biggest blessing of her life actually and she takes her role as a mother very seriously. She frankly states that her life as a mom is more important to her than tennis.

So I feed her, and then she snuggles with me, which is the best part of my day. Then we play, and after that I sneak away to practice, usually around 8 a.m. The only rule I have at practice is to be done at 1 p.m., because as much as I love tennis, I need to be with her.

She loves being a mom so much that she’d give it another go if she weren’t playing, she admitted.

If I weren’t working, I’d already be pregnant.

On finding love 

Williams speaks on meeting her husband, Alexis Ohanian (founder of Reddit) whom she got married to in November 2017.  She attributes her interest in tech as the basis upon which the duo met for the first time.  They went on to date for 3 years. The 38-year-old shares that her relationship with him blossomed from a genuine friendship, after which she knew she wanted to know more about him. When questioned about if she knew he’d be her husband, she affirms the question adding a humorous quip about how she’d get hot and bothered whenever he spoke about tech. For one who openly admits to not knowing too much about his world before meeting him, she’s come to love it.

On being Serena

As we all know, Serena is a badass when it comes to her passion: Tennis. She has got 25 grand slam titles, her most recent win occurred whilst being 2 months pregnant. WOW!

She’s also quick to celebrate other badass women whom she lists as the women of the #MeToo movement (for using their voice to speak against sexual abuse), Beyonce (who she thinks is an obvious choice), Rihanna, as well as Kate Middleton (for being able to attend the royal wedding after giving birth to her third child only just a month before).

This interview had me feeling like Serena was, after all, just Serena (I mean she ate crab and cake on the same plate). And just like her, I feel confident that I can equally be a badass in my field. I just have to work as hard as she does, and stay committed. Commitment and consistency are two winning factors this superstar has portrayed over and over again.

Read the full interview here.

Photo credit: Instyle Magazine | Robbie Fimmano

We’ve rounded up some telling signs that you might want to consider when figuring out if that relationship needs to stay or if it’s gotta take a hike.

Here are a few below:

They want to change you – and not in a positive way

I didn’t realise how integral this was until I witnessed a friend date someone who wanted her to be an upgraded version of the woman he thought she was. He repeatedly complained about her outfits, her personality and even her mannerisms.  Eventually, the relationship broke down because she was always sad and started to feel small. You don’t have to wait too long, nip it in the bud. If he doesn’t love you just the way you are, keep it moving. There’s a long queue and he just might be blocking the true love of your life.

They pass the ‘bar test’

According to Erika Ettin, dating coach and founder of dating site A Little Nudge,  the bar test is when you’re at a bar (or restaurant, wherever) with your new partner, are you looking around to see who else is out there or who might see you two together? Or, are you perfectly content with your partner, and you want everyone there to notice you with him/her? If the latter is true, then he/she passes the test. But if it’s the former, it might be time to decide whether being in a relationship with this person is your best option.

They fit into your life

“A good sign that someone is right for you is if you can imagine that person fitting in to other parts of your life and not just living in a microcosm of the relationship. Ask yourself: Do they get along with the other people in my life? Do I get along with their friends and family? Do we have mutual interests and things that we enjoy doing together that can be a source of sustainability in a relationship? If the answer is yes, then you may be on the right track,” says Holly Daniels, a doctor who specialises anxiety, co-dependency, and relationship addiction.

They comfort you when you’re sad

Life frequently throws trials our way. In fact if there’s one thing we know is inevitable, it’s that we will always encounter difficulty, no matter what. Having a partner only makes sense when they’re able to stick with you through thick or thin. How do they react when you’re facing a crisis or when you’re going through challenges? Do they keep their distance and wait for you to snap out of it? Are they supportive? Do they lend a shoulder for you to cry should you need to? Do they lend a helping hand if they have the means? If you can answer these questions in the affirmative, you’re on the right track.

Your Happiness is a source of happiness for them

According to Laura Van Der Drift, an associate professor of Psychology at Syracuse University‘s College of Arts and Science, “it certainly helps if you’re dating someone that you want to make happy and who wants to make you happy in return. Couples who each truly place the needs and wants of their partners on par with or above their own seem to handle a lifetime of compromising, juggling priorities, and collaborating better than couples who individually pursue their own best interests.”

Here’s to hoping your relationship satisfies the above. If it doesn’t, you might have some thinking to do.