In my opinion, Nigeria has a male-dominated society where women are subordinate, and not valued the way they ought to be. Whether rich or poor, urban or rural, educated or un-educated, we all still face the same issues. Here are some of the areas that give me cause for concern regarding this:

Marriage
Although, marriage is a highly valued institution in the country, the onus of making a marriage successful  seems to fall on women alone. Nigerian women sacrifice so much to keep the sanctity of marriage in order to avoid rebuke and dishonor, and the disgrace of divorce. This pressure is especially intense with millennial brides, as they do not want to bring shame to their families as newlyweds. Last I checked, marriage was a union between two people. So why don’t we have the same expectations for the husbands? Why does all the burden of making a marriage succesful tend to fall on the wife?

Housing
Getting an apartment as a single woman is a nightmare. Many landlords don’t want to rent out their apartment because they feel that a single female living alone is most likely a prostitute, or may owe rent because it is assumed that they aren’t financially secure.

Career
After a certain age as a woman, it is incredibly difficult to find a decent job, as it is assumed that the older you are, the more likely you are to get married, get pregnant, have a child, and have less time to dedicate to your job. So if you are a millennial woman in your early to mid 30s you’ve got tough luck in the job market! Hmmmph.

Domestic Violence
Is it just me or are the reports of domestic violence seemingly rising these days? There are so many stories of domestic violence. Increasingly, these have led to the death of the victims. And in most cases, these are actually moms or wives.

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God bless Nigeria! I love my country. But the way we treat our women needs to change! Only then can we truly celebrate independence – independence from sexism and misogyny.

There’s no doubt that it’s a significant day in the lives of everyone in the country. But more so, I’d like to reflect on the symbolism of what the concept of independence means to me.

There is something especially unique about the beginning of this particular new month. I feel like it’s no coincidence that this year, Nigeria’s Independence Day falls on a Monday – the start of a new week. I had this epiphany this morning, and guys, I just have to share.

As Nigerian millennial women, there is a tendency for many of us to let cultural perceptions of who we should be rob us of our individuality, thereby stifling our personal growth. Often times, this is something we do unconsciously. We aim to please our family and take actions that are “culturally correct” in their eyes, at the expense of our own personal freedom. We try so hard to please our bosses at work as we strive to climb the career ladder, and lose our sense of self worth when we fall short. We struggle to fit into society’s ideals of what beauty should be and deny our individual uniqueness in the process.

But when does it all end? When do we put the wants and needs of others aside and start acting in our own best interest in all areas of our lives? I say it starts NOW. Ladies, as we celebrate Independence Day, let us begin to think about ways in which we can each regain our personal independence and start putting ourselves first. I’m not talking about being selfish here. I’m talking about taking responsibility for our own happiness and peace of mind.

For instance, if you are over the age of 30 and feeling pressure from your family to get married “on time” when you’re just not ready? It’s time to put your foot down, and do what makes YOU happy. Don’t allow anyone to play God in your life.

Society has made us equate career success with having a fulfilled life. But what is the value of career milestones at the expense of progress in other areas of our lives? Health, wellness, relationships, etc. See, if you drop dead today, your boss will mourn your absence for like maybe two weeks, and then start looking for someone else to fill your position. And that’s who you’ve been killing yourself for?

New moms, you know you are overwhelmed, but you are ashamed to admit that you need help. Because perhaps someone somewhere has told you that having a nanny means that you are somehow an inadequate mom. Nonsense. Get the help you need!

There are so many instances I could give, but you get the idea.

I’ve decided that today is my independence day. The first day of the start of a new beginning. Rising above limitations placed on me as an African millennial woman. I am more fiercely determined than ever to fulfill the purpose God called me to this earth for, and I refuse to conform to the world’s expectations of who I should be.

Who else is with me?