Really, I thought that this was going to be a lifetime friendship. I’m not gonna go into details about what transpired, because I do not want to relive the hurtful moments or the stress involved with coping with this experience.

However, I want to talk about things I have learned from losing friendships based on my experience, with the hope that someone going through a similar experience can learn a thing or two from mine.

• Not All Friendships Are Meant To Last Forever: As much as it hurts to say this, it is actually true. Some friendships are seasonal or meant to only last for a certain amount of time. There are even times when you are best friends with someone this period and later on, you barely keep in touch with each other. I don’t know if there’s a way to ascertain what kind of friendship you have with all the people in your life, but I do know that not all friendships are lifetime friendships. It is what it is.
• The Internal Questioning Never Ends – When you lose a friendship that you thought would last forever, there is a lot of internal questioning. You find yourself asking if you are a bad person or a bad friend. Even when it’s evident that the other person is at fault, there will be times when you find yourself thinking about what you ever did wrong that led to the death of the friendship. You’ll wonder if you could have done or said something different. If you fully believe that you had no part to play, and it was the other person’s fault, you may ask how on earth you were ever friends with that kind of person because that whole episode exposed you to a different side of them.
• Life Goes On – If losing a friendship caused you a lot of pain, it could lead you to a dark side. I once saw a tweet – “Friendship breakup hurts more than relationship breakup” and I can’t even explain how APT that saying is. However, the truth of the matter is this – life will and does go on. Maybe one day in the future, you will regain your friendship. Maybe truly that ship has sailed forever. Whatever the case may be, life will go on and I hope that you take the lessons learned from your lost friendships to help you become a better friend to the ones you currently have.

To my lost friends, Thank you for being a part of my life and even though we aren’t in each others’ lives anymore. I had good times with you and I will cherish those memories forever.

Real friends support you, love you as you are, forgive you, and have your back. Fake friends tend to only cause drama for you and are not healthy for you to keep around. Plus, they are only around just because they need something all the time. Fake friends keep taking but never give.

You don’t need such toxic energy in your life!

Here are some tips to help you break up with your fake friend and to get yourself ready for ending your friendship with them:

• Assess your friendships – Some friends may be fake while some friends may be having a really difficult time in that moment. If they are real friends; they might not always say the right thing, but are willing to listen to you if you are struggling, they support you, they stick around during the hard times, not just the fun times.
• Determine if they are in fact, a fake friend – Try and determine if they are a fake friend. If they have entertained gossip about you behind your back, used you to get close to someone you are close to, only talk to you when they need something or embarrass you or make you feel humiliated in public, then you have to eliminate them from you life ASAP!
• Don’t fight breaking up with a friend – If you feel that your friend has changed, it may be a sign that your friendship is fading away. Even if you used to be close friends, people grow apart. Don’t fight that growth, just be glad for the good times you spent together.
• Remove the benefit for the fake friend – Removing the benefit may go against your personality if you tend to be a “people-pleaser,” but your fake friend may be taking advantage of you.  If they only call you when they want something, deny whatever their request is. Worse still, they might leave you alone after they know they can’t get what they want from you.
• Keep contact minimal – As you are preparing to end your friendship, distance yourself from the fake friend as much as possible. Politely decline invitations to hang out by saying “I’m sorry, I can’t right now.” The purpose for this is to give you a little space free from the stress of a fake friendship, while you figure out how to end the relationship with them. However, try to avoid outrightly ignoring them or giving them the “silent treatment.” This may be perceived as immature and could worsen things.
• Break up with them face to face – If you have decided you would like to end your friendship, make sure to do it right and give it the attention it deserves. You may be dreading it, but try and rise above those emotions and face the situation with maturity. Avoid breaking up with them over the phone or over text or e-mail. It sends the wrong message about you as a person and how you deal with your friends. Additionally, it risks more misunderstandings in communication.
• Set boundaries – Decide ahead of time what kind of contact you want from this person going forward, if there will be any. Make sure you are certain of your decision and ask them to respect it. Having your boundaries set beforehand will make it easier to stick to them later on. If you would prefer to never have contact with them again, than that is fine too. Let them know that you would prefer they do not contact you going forward.
• Stick to the boundaries you set – You may notice a small backlash from the break up with your friend. Your ex-friend may try and get back on your good side or get back in touch with you. If they do, remind them of the boundaries you set and ask that they respect them. They may be dealing with a lot of anger and may lash out at you in person, online, or within your group of mutual friends. Try not to respond to any of those behaviors at all. It may take some time, but they will accept it.
• Deal with the emotions of losing a friend. Even though you were the one to end the friendship, realize that a friendship still ended. You may be feeling a mix of emotions including relief, freedom, guilt, sadness, anger, or hopelessness. Let yourself grieve the end of the friendship and cope with whatever emotions or mix of emotions come your way. You can spend some time writing all the things you are thinking and feeling about the break up. I would personally recommend journaling about what you are going through, as that will help you process the emotions and constructively get them out.

Life doesn’t have to be dramatic and friendships don’t have to be hard. I hope these tips come in handy for you and that you find themuseful. Also, If you have really good friends, please invest in them. Don’t be selfish and always be there for them, as much as you can.

Photo Credit: Pop Sugar