She bares it all in this interview: From her battle with depression, to going through menopause, learning how to be a good partner and also the struggles of living up to the expectations of being a “strong black woman”. She raised some very deep issues in this feature that help to teach a lot of life lessons. It is not often that you see a black woman be so open and honest about what they are feeling and their struggles.

One of the most compelling aspects of the interview is when she talks about “the culture of silence” in the black community, and how this culture is killing us all slowly. I say “us” because although Taraji is African American, and I’m African – specifically – Nigerian, I feel like it’s something that we can relate to as well.

Taraji mentioned that in the Black Community, people tend to talk freely about anything from thyroids, to cancer, to wife beaters, robberies, murders and gang violence, but when it comes to actually talking about how these challenges make them feel or the emotions they stir up people, or how such trauma has impacted them, most people just shut down and just sweep it under the rug. She says:

“We have to break this cycle of keeping quiet…when you’re quiet, things aren’t fixed. They get worse.”

Amongst our people, there is so much pressure to keep things bottled up and just push things down. Ignore the pain, just work through it, be strong, don’t let it keep you down, you don’t need to talk about it, it’s over; these are some of the statements that are used to encourage people to keep their emotions bottled up.

I know firsthand, how overwhelming it can be to keep feelings of discomfort bottled up. I used to be the kind of person who would never let anyone know if something was bothering me. I would keep it bottled inside till the sad feelings submerged me emotionally. Over time, I realized that if I didn’t find a way to “unbottle” my feelings, they could become detrimental to my well-being. Luckily, a particular friend of mine became my closest confidante, and my world changed. Suddenly, I felt a sweet kind of freedom to express myself with no limits whenever I was going through a rough patch, and trust me, being able to do this is a gift.

The truth is keeping things inside doesn’t help anybody. We are all human and we need to be able to talk about our pain, that’s the first step to working through it.

Taraji says she realized she suffered from depression about two years ago; this was because she started having sudden mood swings. She says:

“I would get so low, really, really low, beaten, like never before… You may have those days [when] you’re like, ‘Oh, I just don’t feel like getting out of bed. I just want to sleep in,’ but you don’t feel heavy. I was just starting to feel heavy a lot, [like] suffocating…. It just came out of nowhere.”

When she started feeling this way she realized she needed to get help. Also, her son was going through some issues as well at the time, as his father was murdered when he was nine and his grandfather died about two years later. It was a lot to deal with and he shutdown emotionally.

Henson went on a journey to find a ‘unicorn’ therapist as she called it, who could understand her cultural background and really get where she was coming from. When she finally found her therapist and started expressing how she was feeling to her she discovered that her mood swings actually stemmed from the fact that she was going through menopause – a fact she probably wouldn’t have discovered if she hadn’t sought to get the help she needed.

These experiences ignited her passion form mental health awareness in the black community – especially among kids from ages 5-18.

She started her own foundation called the Boris Lawrence Henson Foundation, which was started to help diminish the stigma around mental health in the black community. The foundation helps schools create “peace corners,” or areas in classrooms for students to safely express their feelings.

In addition, the foundation is also working to place culturally competent therapists in schools, and also makes available a database of therapists anyone can access, amongst other benefits. The foundation is named after Henson’s father, who was thought to have bipolar disorder.

“I hope that one day we can all be free to talk about mental health and be okay with seeking help,” she says.

And I agree with her.

Photo Credit: SELF

Adulting is tough! Sometimes I look back at my childhood days and wished that it never ended. Back then when I didn’t have to worry about life issues and all the drama. Back then all we were concerned about was when our favorite cartoons would be shown and TV and also, bedtime (lol).

Oh the good old days!

But now we are all grown up. We have to face the realities of life and sometimes, those realities can take a detrimental toll on our mental health.

Now let us take a look at what mental health is about:

Mental health includes emotional, psychological, and social well-being. It affects how we think, feel, and act. It also helps determine how we handle stress, relate to others, and make choices. Mental health is important at every stage of life, from childhood and adolescence through adulthood.

Having read different articles on mental health to better educate myself, I picked out some key areas I think may be important for young millennial women to be aware of:

1. Comparison is a thief of our joy: The moment you come to the terms with the fact that everyone in the world has a unique destiny, you will stop comparing yourself to them.
2. Be patient with yourself: Life is very unpredictable. Most times we want things to work out in our own way, at our own time. We have our life goals all laid out with timelines, and when things don’t go as planned, we get anxious and depressed. Let us exercise some patience Queens, remember that where there is life, there is hope.
3. Always remind yourself that no one has it all together: We are sometimes fooled by the glitz and glamour we see especially on social media. People only post whatever they want us to see. Remember that.
4. Appreciate where you are and what you have: An attitude of gratitude is good for our mental health. When we become grateful for what we have, we look at life in a positive light, and that can help us appreciate our lives and live in the present.
5. Stay away from toxic people and environments: The effect of toxicity in our lives can be very catastrophic. Walk away from any relationship or situation that no longer serves you.
6. Forgive yourself: We all have made mistakes in the past. Forgive yourself and move on.

You are strong. You are beautiful. You are worthy.

Photo Credit: Getty Images

In this article written by Peace Oparaji, she shares how a difficult time in her life made her stronger, by battling with and overcoming inferiority complex. 

Do you feel depressed? Are you always quiet, keeping your true thoughts and feelings bottle up? Don’t know how to mingle or interact freely? Always feel like you don’t measure up to standards? Do you feel like your mates are better than you? Do you sometimes feel inferior or like you are nothing? If you’ve anwered yes to these questions, the you are likely suffering from inferiority complex.

Don’t be scared, inferiority complex is not a disease, it just means that you have low self-esteem. And thankfully, this situation is reversible.

I too have experienced this. When doing some research on the subject,  I discovered that:

• Children that were raised in homes where they were  constantly compared with other kids develop inferiority complex
• Children who failed and were not given the opportunity to try again and were derided often develop inferiority complex
• Children who were rejected for not living up to the expectations of their parents and/or the society often develop inferiority complex

Okay…. I want to share my experience with y’all . l always felt I was never good enough. Anytime I was around my peers, I always felt inferior. Sometimes wished I never existed.

It all began when I was sent to stay with my uncle and his wife. I did everything possible to please my uncle’s wife but NO she was never satisfied with anything I did. She would raise her voice constantly and tell me how useless I was, and then, she will go on and on comparing me with her siblings who lived in the UK.

In that household, when I failed, I was never given the opportunity to try again. And so, I was always afraid of failure and disappointment. Her words really got to me, to the point where I began to see myself as a failure. I felt like I did not measure up to standards. I felt inferior. I started staying indoors. I had no friends.

When I got admission into a university of my choice, I found it hard to mingle with my course mates, and so everyone saw me as the boring type.

The turning point for me was when I saw an advert for an audition online and I actually attended, just for the fun of it. When I got to the venue, I sat alone in a corner, and kept to myself as usual. Then a group of people came up to me, sat down and started discussing a particular topic which I loved. At first, I wanted to join in the conversations and interact with them. But because I was not sure of myself, because I felt inferior, I just had to remain quiet. Then a guy asked the group a question, they all answered wrong. Then out of nowhere,  I opened my mouth and I answered correctly. OMG, I could not believe it. I was shocked because prior to that moment, I had never spoken in public before. I started talking and interacting with them and finally, for the first time in years, I actually made friends.

This singuar experience disproved everything my uncle’s wife ever told me. Her bitter words of discouragement that used to always replay in my head suddenly disappeared. In that moment, I finally realized that everything she had said to me was a lie. I was not useless. I was not a failure. I was not dumb. I was finally set free, and today, I’m so much happier than I’ve ever been in my life. It’s amazing how one seeimingly trivial moment can totally change one’s life. After that audition day, my life was never the same.

Guys, I’m writing from my experience, believe it. Inferiority complex can only be cured when you open up, know your worth, and stop withdrawing yourself from the world. You have a voice and that voice must be heard.

Do not be afraid.

Photo Credit: freestockphotos.biz

Although it was mental awareness month only last month, however; beyond recognition of the month set aside for this, there is obviously an increasing need to keep speaking about depression. Social media messages about “checking on your strong friend,” have been rolling around and we think it’s an absolute necessity.

Fashion entrepreneur and rapper, MoCheddah recently took to social media to reveal her own 4-year battle with depression, also adding that she wishes she had gotten help sooner.  She gives excellent advice for victims currently going through depression and other related mental health issues. She also listed a few helpful centers within Nigeria that people can contact should they need assistance in this area.

See below:

Fortunately for the former beauty queen, she was able to silence the voices that tried to keep her down by confronting her fears.

Here’s what she said:

“You know, growing up I suffered Depression. I was so young to understand life, yet I wanted out. I was in a dark place. I had several suicidal thoughts but somehow I found the strength to live through all of them. As a younglin, I was shy and really withdrawn. Where there were several people talking I wouldn’t dare speak for fear of being asked to shut up. I knew I was funny and smart inside my head, but will just crack the joke/give the opinion in my head. I envied those with “great personalities”.

I was lonely. I had a few friends but I was Lonely. I was sad but really didn’t understand why. This continued even till my late teenage years, suicidal thoughts were gone But I was still unhappy. Constantly looking for what/who would accept and maybe make me happy. One day, I decided I was going to find my voice. I was gonna speak when I wanted to, I was gonna crack a joke when i felt like it and if no one laughs at it I’m gonna laugh anyway cos I’m funny as heck! I was gonna do whatever I wanted to do. I knew I had a great personality and I decided it had to shine! Guess what, the universe worked side by side me on this one. It became a TABOO for me to hang around anyone who makes me feel less of myself. A TABOO! Life handed me a huge scissors and i just chopped away! Cutting off, moulding and protecting myself.

I’m writing all this today because I want to speak to you who’s going through depression especially at a young age. The suicide rate amongst the youth is alarming.

I’m sorry you have to go though this phase for whatever reason. Yes that’s what it is, a phase! Please hang in there. You have such a bright amazing future ahead and the devil is just trying to mess with your mind. Please fight back. Distance yourself from whatever/whoever brings you to that state. Spend time with yourself and only people who brightens your mood. A bad day isn’t a bad life. Listen to uplifting music. Invest your energy in positivity.

Unfollow anyone on social media who unknowingly puts any kind of pressure on you, heck even if its me! I’ll miss you but you MUST hit that button! Life is Beautiful! And there’s so much to learn and enjoy from it. See you at 90 Boo! Mwah!”

We’re really thankful for the new wave of Nigerian youth who are starting to speak about their mental health. Before this era, mental health topics were a no-go area. It was almost believed that it was non-existent within our communities and struggles with mental stability were strongly limited to the ‘mad man’ on the street with torn clothes eating from trash cans. With more celebrities and known faces speaking out about their battles, it’s helping to make the subject less of a taboo in our communities. We applaud Nancy for her bravery, as speaking out in itself is a show of facing fear.

A wise person once said, “everything good lies at the other end of fear” and I solemnly believe that. What’s fear keeping you from achieving?

Photo Credit: Instagram | Nancy Isime