After doing some research, my husband and I discovered that there were many of these specialists in the United States.

Because we were in a pandemic, there were lots of travel restrictions – especially to the United States, coupled with other obstacles associated with that peculiar season. Nonetheless, I believed that with God, all things would be possible. But this didn’t change the fact that I was a tad bit worried.

God saw my precarious “faith-filled-yet-fearful” tumultuous state of mind, and He spoke to me through a series of dreams.

In one of the most significant dreams, He showed me a printed-out e-ticket with the Air France logo on it. He also showed me myself on a plane, surrounded by air hostesses in Air France uniforms.

When I woke up, I was confused! I was like “ummm, Lord, are we ‘bout to have French babies? Like are you telling us to travel to France right now? In the middle of a pandemic? Because, I’m not understanding this.” I started to reminisce about my primary school days, thinking, “well, I probably should have paid closer attention in French class back then! Perhaps I’d have been a fluent French-speaker by now. ‘Cos right now all I can remember is ‘Bonjour’ and ‘Je M’appelle.’”

After surmounting many hurdles over the next couple of weeks after I had that dream, my trip to the United States was finally confirmed. As I held my plane ticket in my hands with gratitude in my heart, I glanced through the flight details. It was a Delta Airlines non-stop flight from Lagos to Atlanta.

Then I heard the Holy Spirit whisper in my ear, “look closely.”  So, I took a closer look at the ticket, and saw these words in fine print “Operated by Air France.” And next to this phrase was a tiny Air France logo.

Puzzled, I did some research and discovered that Delta was partnering with Air France at the time, to provide travelers with more flexibility for where, and when, they fly.

What I learned from this experience?

Firstly, God loves speaking in riddles. It is when we seek in obedience that we find out the literal meaning of his directions.

Secondly, God will always make a way even in the most tumultuous situations. Just trust in Him.

Thirdly, yeah God has an amazing sense of humour! I mean, He really actually could have  sent me to France in the middle of a pandemic just to prove a point. Haha.

Seriously still thinking about dusting off my French skills just in case God actually has an assignment for me in France in the future. Or maybe a holiday. Or something. Right?

Merci.

Lola was well known as one of the best publicists and talent managers in the country, who worked with lots of big names in the industry including Tiwa Savage, MI, DJ Cuppy, and many others. 

I “met” Lola back in the day when I used to work at BellaNaija as Assistant Editor and Business Development Manager. I met her via e-mail and phone calls actually. Something about her just really resonated with me even though I had never met her in person. Maybe it was something about her tone. I had spoken to my fair share of talent managers/publicists back in the day and for some reason, a lot of them had a tendency to sound really frantic (due to the nature of their job I guess, they were always under pressure to deliver). Lola always sounded calm, and I found that so interesting. Then of course I researched her and found out she was this really huge deal. 

Anyways, I’d always admired her work from afar. Over time, I noticed she wasn’t as active in the industry as she once was and I wondered why.

So I asked her, and she graciously granted us this interview where she reveals personal details about the road to switching careers in her 30s, following her true calling, how her faith in God changed the trajectory of her life, and much more. 

Hey Lola, where have you been?
Hiya! Hahaha, the question I’ve been getting a lot lately. Physically, I am currently in Los Angeles taking acting classes to perfect my skills and at the same time taking the steps to secure a better future .

For people who may not know who you are, please introduce yourself?
My name is Lola Adamson and I am an actress, a lover of life. A firm believer of first finding yourself (knowing your true identity), then finding your purpose and working your hardest to achieve it.

You used to be a talent manager/publicist in Nigeria at some point. Tell us more about this career path and why you deviated from that?
Oh wow, being a talent manager and publicist was a very interesting part of my life, it helped get me to where I am today. But it wasn’t something I was meant to do forever, and I think I always knew that, but I suppressed the feeling for a long time. I like to think it all happened for the right reasons.

I moved back to Lagos in December 2009 after completing my masters in England (I really don’t like using the word “moved back” because I lived there for just about 2 years, lol).

I decided to go into PR in 2009 and in January 2010 I set up my company. I met M.I in February with the hopes of being his publicist, but he said “No, I want you to be my manager” (I was honestly asking myself back then, “what did I do right and am I manager material?”). Turns out I was perfect manager material, Lol. And that’s how management came into my life.

The next 6 years after that was mainly focused on management and PR (I added tailored event production to my company services in 2017), big and small jobs, A-list clients and underground talents. I enjoyed it, but I always felt incomplete. I always thought there was more I could achieve as a publicist/talent manager but most of the things I tried to work on never seemed to pan out well for me. So as a typical Lagos hustler, I decided to add more to the mix of what I was doing.

I worked with Ndani as the social media manager and events coordinator from 2014-2015, started a blog and moved on to a vlog on YouTube later in 2016. I got a job with RocNation as the General Manager for Africa in 2015 and this brought me back full time into the music industry.

Months after I had stopped managing Cuppy in 2016, I started asking myself series of questions, “what’s really next Lola? Continue managing talents?” and not long after that, my boss from RocNation called to say, “Lola we just signed Tiwa Savage, that’s your next project?” and then I said to myself,  “Well, looks like I’m still managing talents”, Lol.

I loved what I was doing but I wasn’t complete, and I had to feel complete and honestly, I thought feeling complete was doing what I have always wanted to do, be an actress, but I didn’t realize then that that’s not what I needed to fill the void within me, now I do. Only Jesus could fill that emptiness which when I did realize, made me complete and gave me the confidence and strength to go after my dreams.

January 1 2017, I woke up in my cold room in Birmingham and literally said to myself “I AM DONE”.

I had a minor argument with my dad 2 nights before. I started the conversation with “Daddy please, when the time comes, let my siblings do what they really desire to do and let’s just guide them. Remember how you didn’t want me to study theatre arts when I wanted to?” and he responded with “I did what a good father would have done, the industry wasn’t looking hopeful then and I wanted to protect you”.

What I was doing was trying to blame someone else for me not going after my dreams when in true context, I had every opportunity to go after it, I mean I was 33 going on 34, I had stopped asking my father for money years ago before that night (well he actually bought my ticket for the family vacation, let me not lie, Lol), I could have picked it up but I was scared and not confident that I could pull it off.

As much as I loved what I was doing, it always felt like a JOB and that wasn’t what I wanted. I decided to stop management and PR that very day, even before going back to Lagos. I turned down almost every offer that came my way that year. I continued with my vlog which wasn’t paying me and the moment I decided to add event production to my bag of talents, I was approached to handle PR for, and plan the entire 2-day musical showcase for Tolani in 2017. Handling the PR for that job was not so much an issue for me as I used it to explore a skill I had but never really put to good use.

The only client I had left as a talent manager was Tiwa Savage and that was via my contract with RocNation which I couldn’t abruptly end, and I was glad because working with Tiwa motivated me some more as it showed me a different side of her, a side that inspired me so much. Her work ethics. Tiwa does not play when it comes to her career and seeing first hand her passion to do things right and professionally motivated me to keep pushing myself.

How did acting come into the mix?
My dad is an artist and as the only child back then, I would always be with him in the studio, watching him paint, listening to music and dancing together, I had my mini canvas and paint brushes as well, it was perfect.

I grew up wanting to be an actress, a musician and a model (the triple threat, lol) but then I grew up and all that changed, lol. As a child, my dad would always show me magazines with models and actresses and tell me I had to eat right to get good skin, take my education serious so no one could say they made me because only God can make and break anyone.

I have always loved movies and everything involved in the process of making one, it has always fascinated me. The stories in some movies would have me pondering on certain issues for days, I would day dream about being in movies with Julia Roberts and Bimbo Akintola. I was actually in a movie Bimbo Akintola shot in 2017, and that blew me away. She’s such a fun person. It was a minor role, but I was such an excited puppy to be on set, the waiting didn’t even bother me, Lol. One time I had to wait till 4am before they shot my scene and I had been there since 8pm, lol. I would also picture being in movies with Macaulay Culkin, Whoopi Goldberg and a lot more. I still feel that way today. In fact the feeling is stronger and the pictures in my head are more vivid.

In my own weird way, I always held on to the desires of being an actress, but I wasn’t confident enough to chase it. I wasn’t getting the right support and I felt people would end up laughing at me, so I made myself believe there was no point chasing a dream that wouldn’t be a reality for me. A fantasy, that’s what I called it.

Before my decision in 2017, I would tell friends in the film industry I wanted to be an actress and honestly they didn’t take me serious, Lol. They literally thought I was joking and would say things like “Lola stop now, Lola music genius, Lola music guru.” All that didn’t help. Some friends like Seun Ajayi and Kunle Idowu (Frank Donga) gave me good support and pushed me to go after it, this was back in 2015 when we all worked together at Ndani. Seun pushed me to go for an audition which I did but never got called back for, lol. That didn’t make me feel good, I wasn’t confident enough and that made me think there was no point and I wasn’t good enough.

After I made that decision in January 2017, I spent most of that year going for auditions in Lagos, I cannot stress on how hectic that process is. I respect all the actors and actresses who go through this. When next I go for an audition in Lagos, I will be ready, Lol.

I would get asked at these auditions “ahh why are you here, leave this hustle for us now”, “all you have to do is call one of these producers and you will get a role”. My first thought was “do they know me?”As a talent manager I didn’t think I was well known. I couldn’t explain to anyone then how going through that process was important to me, I was ready to do the work, I really was not going to ask for favors, I had said to myself “if this is going to happen for real, I want to earn it.”

Luckily, I was able to book 3 roles that year, 2 of those were speaking extras and I was the happiest I had been in a long time. I got call backs and got roles, God was moving in my life.

Tell us about your ongoing professional acting training?
Ohhhh, it has been such an exciting experience, the main workshop I attend is Truth Be Told Acting Collective coached by Bojesse Christopher. First time I took his workshop was in September 2017 as a test run and I fell in love with his techniques, Meisner repetition and Stanislavski techniques. I knew I would always go back, and I did.

I also went to Identity Drama Acting school (Los Angeles campus) where I learnt some more skills added to what I learn every week at Bojesse’s workshop. There I learnt more about breaking down scripts, movement techniques, voice classes and so much more essentials. It has shown me the extensive work that goes into being a great, talented and skilled actor and that’s what I want to be.

Bojesse’s workshop is also like therapy for me. I started the workshop with a huge wall up, cut off on the inside, almost numb to feelings, stone cold look, it was a huge period of transition for me. But as the great coach he is, he challenged me and pushed me to be more vulnerable and open without holding back, when to suppress and when to let go. It has truly been a blessing and it helps my everyday living. My confidence boosted, I started looking people in the eye and not avoiding contact, when I get in front of a camera or people, I am not in my head thinking of what to say or do, I am there with them.

It’s all been such a life changing experience, I am always looking forward to going to class.

Will you be pursuing acting full time now?
Oh Yesssssss!!!!!

What were your family and friend’s reaction when you told them you wanted to take your acting more seriously?
From my past experience, I have learnt to speak with those who matter, whatever anyone wants to say, they are free to say. Everyone is different, we can’t all agree on the same things or see things the same way, it is humanly impossible. So, I focused on telling those who mattered and who cared, the rest just seem to have stumbled on monologues posted on my Instagram page.

My dad was still a bit worried when I initially told him I decided to drop management and focus on acting full time, I could hear it in his voice but the amazing father he is, he said I will support you in every way I can, I’ve got your back and he has. My dad rates my class performances, points out habits he notices, tells me to be myself and not feel anxious. Then he’ll say, I rate you 45%, do better next time, Lol.

That’s exactly what I want from people, I want you to be honest with me, don’t just gass me up and say “you go girl, you’re killing it”, when you’re thinking to yourself “she blinks too much, she should have paused a bit before responding” or whatever you feel should be worked on, don’t be a yes man or woman with me please. If you can’t be honest, I would respect you more for not saying anything or commenting on my post. I have had a few of those, some friends have DM’d me with their thoughts and areas they felt I could do better, and these are actually people I never thought would reach out, I respect that and always take on their advice.

I remember someone sending me a DM on Instagram last year saying “na wa o, you’re really taking this your acting serious”, my mental response was “no, I’m waiting for you to tell me what to do and how to live my life”, but I just responded with YES! Lol.

My mum is an original Lola cheerleader, lol. My super prayer warrior.

My best friends have been nothing but supportive, Oh My Lord. I am so blessed to have the close friends I have. They have been there, never backing down. My best friends Aj and Aramide send me money all the way from Lagos (isn’t it usually the other way around, Lol). My childhood best friend Grace lives in Manchester and at some point this year, she was sending me a particular amount monthly, like pocket money. She would call panicking, how are you eating, how’s your account, you just paid your fees, you just paid your rent, in-fact I will start sending you this amount monthly, Lol. I truly truly am blessed.

Did anyone ever discourage you from pursuing your acting career?
Not really, at least not boldly saying “don’t do it, you won’t succeed”, I could see it in their faces though and hear it in their voices. They didn’t believe in me, some would laugh, and some would say “okay don’t worry, I’ll let you know”, and of course I never heard from them again. After a while I thought that’s fine, I believe in myself and that’s enough, I am ENOUGH.

When did you first get saved?
First time for me was in 2013, I was slowly hitting depression. I could hear it knocking on my door but GOD!!!! I dodged a bullet, I was saved, I found Jesus, but I just knew Him surface level, I didn’t continuously seek Him when I found a certain peace. I would pray baby Christian prayers, I hadn’t learnt the true meaning of worship (I don’t mean just singing. Worship is our love expressed to God as a response to His grace towards us, and this covers many grounds). I was still doing certain things I shouldn’t have been doing, I was trying to eat my cake and have it, Lol.

How would you describe your relationship with God?
I don’t think there are any existing words to truly describe my relationship with God, I’m sure a lot of people will agree with me on this when it comes to describing their relationship with Him, words are not enough.

God is my everything, we talk everyday without fail. I have grown to love and respect Him more and more. It has not been an easy journey but worth every second and I appreciate it more each day.

I do not want to EVER want to do anything, take a step, make plans, eat, sleep, speak, anything at all, without Him, there’s just no point. He’s the foundation of everything and anything concerning Lola Adamson. And talking about Him just gets me excited, I am all smiles right now.

In what ways did your spiritual life impact the change in your career?
A whole lot! But at the beginning I didn’t realize that it was what was fueling my decision, my drive, my passion. It really was the push.

I was finally positively confident, I was starting to figure myself out and that confidence in me had risen to a point of me finally letting the thought of acting out of the cage I had put it in. The source of my confidence was Christ, it was His grace that was developing and shaping me into the Queen I was created to be. I am constantly working on it, I believe there’s more I haven’t explored yet.

My faith started building up from 2016. By 2017 I was attending church more frequently, praying on my own, going for night vigils and looking forward to it. I had cut a lot of things out of my life, I just wanted more of Jesus (I still do) and because of this, things were slowly shifting in my life. One of my closest friends who helped me a lot from 2016 is Lynxxx. Not a lot of people saw Jesus the way I did, I wanted to be around people who were hungry for His love and presence in their lives and were not ashamed to say it, that was my new cool. I don’t mean just going to church on Sunday people, lol. Some people thought talking deeply about God wasn’t cool and some said your relationship with God should be private, I mean how can you keep Him private? He said go out into the world and tell the people about Him and His promise.

Thankfully, Lynxxx for me was that one perfect friend, he still is and it’s always great when we link up (physically or over the phone), which is often.

As my spiritual life developed, I believed more in myself because I believed in my Savior. If I ever questioned anything in my life, I didn’t have to question the right things, it just felt right and didn’t feel like I was deceiving myself.

Do you ever struggle with self-doubt? If so, how do you handle this?
I did and in a little way I still do, it’s been a long battle but I’m winning now, lol. I didn’t believe people would accept me as an actress, I never should have let that get into my head, but I did. I fed the negative seed of “no one thinks you’re good, no one will accept you”, when I should really have been saying “I am great, I should go for this because this is what I was born to do, it’s not about people, it is about me and I am enough”. I put people’s thoughts and opinions first before mine and that was my first mistake.

As a talent manager I didn’t think I would get to the stage I did, every client was a surprise to me. I actually do not remember going after a client and selling my company and services, I was always approached. Wow look at God. Thing is I may doubt myself a little, but I do not doubt God, and that’s all that matters.

As a Christian, the way I handle it when negative seeds pop up in my thoughts is to first of all surrender it to God. We all know what those thoughts feel like, they don’t feel good and they don’t make you feel good. They make you feel negative about yourself or situation and that is no way to life a full life. Those are not my thoughts, they are not of God and therefore are not welcome.

What I do after is to speak to someone I trust, someone close. I pour out my feelings, I cry if I have to, I let it all out and I have been blessed with amazing people that when I speak negatively about myself, they respond with something positive and speak positivity into my life.

I would advise people to always open up to people close to them, could be a friend, family, Bible study partners, accountability sisters or brothers, people who will bring you back to the positive side. Not people who will feed the self-doubt with fear, doubt and worry. Figure out who is right for you and who isn’t, that helps. I have different people I speak to about different things; my accountability sisters have been a huge blessing in my life. I have never met these women face to face and we have all only been friends for a year, but it feels like forever.

What’s next for Lola?
That’s a great question. I say that because I don’t fully know, Lol.

I know what direction I am headed, what I want to achieve, I know what gets me excited, emotionally happy that I start to cry at just the thought of it. There is no prefect way/route to get there but there’s a perfect Father, God, and His ways and plans for my life are far better than my plans for myself.

There’s no doubt that I am meant to be an actress, I have never believed in it more than I do now. I also do not want to rush and make unnecessary mistakes or decisions along the way, it would be amazing to get called up for a role right now, but there’s a process, I don’t want to start half ready, so I am doing the work now.

I take life as it comes, one day at a time. It’s good to make long term plans but I don’t rely on those plans because we all know how life is, Lol. I rely on God. I have grown to appreciate the NOW, where I currently am because where I am today is connected to where I am going to. It’s no mistake that this is my path, I feel it and I am ready to face the tests and trials because most importantly, I know I am not running this race alone, God is always with me. I do not take it for granted, I pray for contentment and patience a lot because it is so easy to miss my old life of always having money when I needed it, spending how I liked, traveling when I want to, to now when my cash flow is limited. I have literally started a new life chapter, I have started from the bottom again and that’s perfectly okay. I knew there was more in life for me and I am sacrificing what I have to, to achieve it all. There’s a price to pay for everything great, your dreams, desires, passion. The questions are, are you ready to pay for it? How bad do you want it?

What advice would you give African millennial women who desire a career in the arts?
Please go for it. If you feel it deep in your gut, if it keeps you up at night, the slight thought of it makes your heart race and you can see the pictures so clearly in your head then please GO FOR IT.

People say you can do whatever you set your mind to, I didn’t believe it until I started chasing my dreams.

Africa is evolving daily, and our creative industry is one to look out for. We have so many talented people who feel chasing their dreams is a waste of time because their parents or someone said it to them that and they believed it.

Understand that you are who you choose to be, do not live life dependent on what others have to say about you. You have to make your own decisions.

If it seems hard at first, that’s because it is, and you have to work twice as hard if you do not have things easily handed to you. Never give up, do not quit, keep pushing. There will be days where you’ll feel drained and tired and you’ll probably scream and say God why, God when, God do they have two heads. That’s fine, scream, cry, but get back up and keep pushing forward.

Surround yourself with positive people, think positive thoughts. And most importantly, seek God and not just surface level, it has to be continuous and once it becomes a part of you, you will want nothing more than to be in His presence. I am a Jesus baby and it’s pretty hard to not include Him in everything I say and do. I really can’t believe I have become this person, I love it, lol.

Do you think it’s ever too late to pursue your dreams?
It is never ever too late to pursue your dreams. We all wish we started early, we say if we go back in time we would have lived life in our 20’s the smart way but I don’t mind because not everyone was created to start at a certain age. Our destinies are not the same, our paths are all different, they may connect but they are all different.

So, I say do not beat yourself up, it is never too late. What’s important is the journey and to finish right. When you realize you’re not doing what you were created to do, no matter what age, get up and start going after that one thing that brings all the joy to you and doesn’t feel like a job.

As a spiritual person, I’ll say this; This life is never without troubles, sadness, disappointments and tears. However, what distinguishes the people of God is their relationship with God.

***

Follow @lolaadamson_ on Instagram.

A lot of women suffer from the embarrassing spot(s) on their behinds- and if you are one of the few that don’t, lucky you!

So, what causes pimples to flare-up on your tush?

Folliculitis is often caused by bacteria. Sometimes, it may be fungal or yeast-related, or from irritants like dust, and chemicals around the hair follicle area. Factors that could trigger butt acne are: Bad hygiene, sweat, and tight-fitting clothes.

How to avoid the booty breakouts
The best way to avoid the bum breakout is to maintain good hygiene and shower regularly. Also, since it can be caused by friction, you should consider wearing loose-fitting clothes made out of breathable fabrics, especially when you’re sleeping. After working out, change out of your workout clothes and shower immediately.
The common mistake people often make when trying to get rid of bum acne is to over- scrub and over-exfoliate.

Most ladies think that using body scrubs and loofahs help get rid of acne, but in reality, it’s just worsening the inflammation. This can then lead to potential scarring and hyper pigmentation.

Lifestyle changes to banish ’Buttne’
1. Instead of going crazy on body scrubs, you should use body cleansers that contain benzoyl peroxide, as this helps keep pesky causing bacteria at bay. That’s not to say exfoliating your buttocks is all wrong, just consider using more gentle exfoliants, like salicylic acid or glycolic acid to break down dead skin cells and remove buildup.

2. Wear clean workout clothes to the gym, shower and change immediately after working out

3. Drink more water to help flush out toxins from your body

4. If you are prone to butt acne or have a sensitive skin, consider switching to hypo-allergenic body products and detergents that don’t have harsh chemicals or fragrances

5. As tempting as it may be, DON’T pop the pimples! This can make them more inflamed and possibly spread the infection.

The general rule of thumb if you are prone to sweating is to keep your bum clean and properly moisturized.  However, if your butt acne is caused by a fungus, you’re better off seeking treatment from a dermatologist.

Photo Credit: Nemanja Glumac

As we celebrate International Women’s Day today, her story reminds us that “balance for better” is more than just a catch phrase. Damola reminds us that when we balance our faith in God with our human expectations, a beautiful thing happens – God takes the wheel and gives our situation a total makeover, and in the end, we are better for it.

When and how did you first gain an awareness about God?
I was born into a Christian home so I have always been aware of God. As a child, I had the sort of relationship that is expected of a child – I loved Bible club, the Christian videos etc.

My teenage years were a bit of a blur as I suffered a loss that disconnected me from the reality of God. So, I always knew God was there, but if we were going to have a personal relationship, He was going to have to catch my attention big time – I wanted my burning bush experience!

In 2011, I was to undergo a surgical procedure and I said to God, now is your time to show me who you are. I was radical about it, I didn’t know how He was going to do it , but I wasn’t having any surgery. A few months down the line, I travelled to the UK to have the procedeure. Two days before the scheduled surgery date, I had a routine consultation with the doctor where he talked me through the procedure and any questions I had ( my main concern was anaesthesia – what if I didn’t wake up!). Anyway, after the consultation, the Doctor looked at me and said he didn’t think undergoing the procedure was necessary any longer and cancelled. He cancelled the scheduled surgery!

That day was it for me. I was, and still am, in awe of a God that was willing to come down to meet me right where I am. A God that will do whatever it takes to prove Himself to you.

How has your journey with God been since then?
Have you ever heard the phrase “walk with Jesus and you will never walk alone”? This is what it has been for me. It hasn’t been the easiest or smoothest of rides and there have definitely been times that have caused to momentarily question my faith. But as I have continue to strive to grow as a Christian, God has consistently shown Himself to be an amazing father and friend – I have found joy in the midst of pain, stumbled on love in some very dark places and gained the confidence to be myself.

As a Nigerian millennial woman, were you ever influenced by societal pressure to get married by a certain age?
In my teenage years, I had it all worked out – get married at 24 and have 4 kids by 30. This was just what I assumed the natural progression of life was. This didn’t happen. I wasn’t even married by my 30^th birthday.  At about 25/26 most of my friends were getting married and having babies, there was definitely some pressure there but it wasn’t something I let influence me.

You recently got married, congrats! How’s newlywed life treating you?
Thank you! It has been a great journey so far. As I always say “we are learning everyday”

How did you meet your husband?
We met at Church. We were both on the launch team for a youth church and leadership team after inception. One day, he asked me to coffee, I said “sure,” we went to the café… the rest as they say, is history!

In what ways did your faith in God play a role in picking your spouse?
Honestly, I did not always use faith as a guide when choosing the relationships I got into earlier. So, I always say my marital destiny was special to God’s heart because He was constantly uprooting me from the wrong relationships – one day I’m in a relationship, the next it is over. I just knew in my heart that God wanted the best for me and that my husband must be a physical representation of God’s love for me. So I was always glad for His interventions!

One day, I was having a heartfelt sincere tête-à-tête with God about why I seemed to not be making the right decisions about my relationships. And God said to me clearly, that his desire for me was a relationship where we will both complement each other’s ministries –  in God’s actual words “someone who you will do ministry together”. I remember laughing out loud and saying to God, as if the pool of eligible men isn’t small enough, you are adding ministry into it.

From that moment, it became more important to me to be with a man that was not only God fearing (because we all say we are) but someone who had a genuine heart for God, that you could see from his faith, ministry and worship.

You were once engaged years ago but that relationship did not lead to marriage. Can you tell us more about that?
It just didn’t. Marriage has never been the be all or end all for me. We were not right for each other and did not see the future that I wanted with him.

How did you cope in the aftermath of that relationship?
I was actually okay with. During our engagement, I was often filled with fear and apprehension because I knew in my heart that getting married to him was not the right decision for me. So when we did break up I actually felt relieved more than heart broken. Plus, my formula is give yourself a “crying period – and then move on.

How did you find the will and courage to give love a second chance?
I always said that I will never let one person or experience rob me of a lifetime of happiness. I think hidden in me somewhere was a fairy-tale I wasn’t willing to let go of.

In what ways have you evolved as a result of these experiences, and what valuable lessons do you feel you have learned?
The one key thing I have learnt is to be intentional about relationships. Be very clear, mature and reasonable on what it is you want from a partner. Don’t just see as things go, don’t ignore red flags and don’t settle! This applies to all areas of life – be intentional!

What advice would you give to any millennial woman who may be in a relationship but is unsure if their partner is husband material?
What is “husband material” Well, according to whatever your definition is, if you there are things that are making you unsure about a man, leave. Ladies please, we are not talking about petty things but things that you know you cannot come to accept or live with. No one changes in marriage, marriage actually amplifies everything – the good, bad and ugly!

What are some practical ways you would advise newlyweds to involve God in their marriage?

• Let the Bible be your reference point for everything. For me, I have chosen a verse to guide my actions and thoughts. Proverbs 14:1 – The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.
• Pray together, be it the simplest of prayers.
• Have Godly mentors. People that will guide you truthfully and not fail to admonish you when you are wrong.

These aspirations almost got shattered, as she got bullied in High School for being “too dark” and “ugly.” The incessant negative comments really affected her self-esteem for a while, causing her to want to dump her dreams.

But she persevered, and today, she is a succesful model. Nyakim, now 24 years old, recently spoke with Cosmopolitan about her journey to success. Here are excerpts from the interview:

What was your vision of America like when you arrived at age 14?

Oh, it was going to be like heaven. Living in a refugee camp [in Africa meant] sleeping in tents, not knowing where your dinner is coming from, not drinking clean water. America is education, food, hospitals, not feeling like your child will pass away because there’s no medical care. [But] you come here and realize you have to work hard for everything. Yeah, it’s not as heavenly as it seems, as it was made out to be back home. But at the end of the day, America is a really great country if you make it.

You haven’t always received positive reactions to your skin tone. You mentioned you were bullied by classmates when you moved to Buffalo, New York.

They would say, you know, I’m too black, my skin is too dark. They’d be like, “You don’t take showers. That’s why your skin is dirt.” Or, “Smile so we can see you, Nyakim. We can’t see you.” And then, in class, for example, the teacher would ask a question and say, “Oh, Nyakim, can you answer that?” A kid would say, “Who are you talking to? We can’t see her. She’s not here.” The whole class would start laughing, and I would just cry. The kid who would say that would go to the principal, or [he] would get in trouble. But the whole class was feeling what this kid was saying.

What were you thinking at the time?

I just kept to myself. I was like, “These people don’t accept me.” I was already having trouble with the language barrier and learning English to communicate with my teachers. I had always wanted to be a model, but after that I thought, “These kids think I’m ugly. I don’t see myself on social media, or TV, or in the magazines. I don’t think I’m meant to be a model.” I pushed that thought out of my head.

Did you ever consider bleaching your skin in the past?

At one point, I did consider it. When I came to America from a refugee camp in Africa [at age 14], I lived in Buffalo, New York. I would cry myself to sleep after being bullied [about my skin]. There are so many beautiful dark-skinned Sudanese women who bleach their skin. My own sister did it. But when I told her I wanted to [after living in America for a few months], she told me no. She said, “You would not just be bleaching your skin, you would be bleaching your mind. I did it and I regret it. I’m not going to let my daughter do it, or you — nobody.”

Did the bullying continue when you moved to Minnesota later that year?

I’d walk into the grocery store, and people would stare at me. I could hear people saying under their breath, “Oh my God, she’s so black. Is that even normal?” [To meet friends,] I tried joining sports — track and field. [My teammates would] say, “Are we going to be able to even see her when it’s her turn to pass the relay stick?” I quit track. I just kept to myself.

How do you react to online haters?

The negative reactions or comments don’t affect me as much now — some of them I laugh at. But there are some that go deep and bring me down for a little bit. Some people say I get followers because people feel bad for me, not because I’m actually beautiful. They say I’m the dumbest person ever. But there are millions more people who think I’m beautiful and give me positive feedback.

By sharing her experiences about people’s reactions to her dark skin, Nyakim, who is a part-time school teacher and part-time model, has amassed a huge following on Instagram.  She has more than 300,000 followers, and and has booked professional gigs ranging from local magazine covers to national campaigns for brands like Aldo. 

Read the entire interview here.

Photo Credit: Cosmopolitan/Ruben Chamorro

Really, I thought that this was going to be a lifetime friendship. I’m not gonna go into details about what transpired, because I do not want to relive the hurtful moments or the stress involved with coping with this experience.

However, I want to talk about things I have learned from losing friendships based on my experience, with the hope that someone going through a similar experience can learn a thing or two from mine.

• Not All Friendships Are Meant To Last Forever: As much as it hurts to say this, it is actually true. Some friendships are seasonal or meant to only last for a certain amount of time. There are even times when you are best friends with someone this period and later on, you barely keep in touch with each other. I don’t know if there’s a way to ascertain what kind of friendship you have with all the people in your life, but I do know that not all friendships are lifetime friendships. It is what it is.
• The Internal Questioning Never Ends – When you lose a friendship that you thought would last forever, there is a lot of internal questioning. You find yourself asking if you are a bad person or a bad friend. Even when it’s evident that the other person is at fault, there will be times when you find yourself thinking about what you ever did wrong that led to the death of the friendship. You’ll wonder if you could have done or said something different. If you fully believe that you had no part to play, and it was the other person’s fault, you may ask how on earth you were ever friends with that kind of person because that whole episode exposed you to a different side of them.
• Life Goes On – If losing a friendship caused you a lot of pain, it could lead you to a dark side. I once saw a tweet – “Friendship breakup hurts more than relationship breakup” and I can’t even explain how APT that saying is. However, the truth of the matter is this – life will and does go on. Maybe one day in the future, you will regain your friendship. Maybe truly that ship has sailed forever. Whatever the case may be, life will go on and I hope that you take the lessons learned from your lost friendships to help you become a better friend to the ones you currently have.

To my lost friends, Thank you for being a part of my life and even though we aren’t in each others’ lives anymore. I had good times with you and I will cherish those memories forever.

One of such women is popular makeup artist, Teniola Aisha Kashaam, known popularly as Tenny Coco. 

In a recent Instagram post, she revealed how her obsession with skin lightening began at the age of 19, and how finally at the age of 25, while reflecting on her life during her birthday period, she had an epiphany, and resolved to stop lightening her skin.

She said:

“My Road to Melanin:At the age of 19, I started lightening my skin….. By the time I was 20, I had become a heavy Skin bleacher… at the time it felt almost normal, I felt like I looked more attractive….. it became an addiction, I just couldn’t stop. I craved so much to be lighter.. I felt being black wasn’t beautiful enough. What a stupid way to have thought… I guess the society we live in played a little role in my decision to bleach my skin… coupled with being very Naive at that age. It’s widely perceived that the lighter you are, the more beautiful you look. To be honest I always knew it was a bad thing… I mean, I had seen loads of people with ridiculously damaged skin courtesy the effects of bleaching but I was just so deep into it… like I said it’s actually an addiction. 

As my 25th birthday started approaching I started to do a lot of Soul searching, a lot of self evaluation… concerning every area of my life and I finally started to see the light… to see how crazy I had been all these years… how crazy it was for me to have believed that my black skin wasn’t beautiful, to have allowed myself to feel inadequate or to try and tell God ‘ how you created me isn’t good enough’ what a silly, crazy way to have lived. Today I’m more than grateful that I finally saw the light. Black is beautiful! So beautiful! Never have I ever felt as beautiful and as at peace with my skin tone as I do now… Please Love your skin/Yourself the way God has made you…. you are beautiful, you are enough.

Time will always tell… imagine how I would look 10-15 years from now if I had continued to bleach my skin. Please don’t do it… I did it and I Had/ have so much Regret… it’s not worth it. You are beautiful just as you are.  I get a lot of messages asking me, how I was able to transition my skin back… I will be sharing all the tips soon enough.  Thank you to everyone who helped me get through this…… the Amount of support.” 

We are definitely loving the glow up! We appreciate the fact that she has been so open about her journey, and we’re sure lots of women who lighten their skin will be inspired by her story.

Embrace your skin tone ladies, whatever complexion you may be. Xx

Photo Credit: Tenny Coco

Eritrean-Ethiopian Twin sisters, Hermon and Heroda Berhane were 7 years old when they both mysteriously went deaf at the same time.

Blavity reports:

Their parents took them and their younger brother, who is also deaf, and moved from Eritrea to America to seek medical help. For a year their mother worked with them on their speech before the family relocated to the UK so that they could have a better education. In boarding school, they learnt the British Sign Language and found a community of friends.

“We believe that us being deaf separates us from the rest of the bloggers out there and that our disability actually enhanced our popularity within media. We never allow being deaf to limit our ambition and disability doesn’t mean inability. We had to do something about it and make our voice heard!”

 Now 34, these fearles beauties have blossoming careers in the fashion and acting worlds.

Conversations centered around weight loss in the plus-size body positivity community can be a bit tricky – especially when you are considered one of “the” spokespersons for the movement. The idea of being confident about one’s body, yet losing weight is a precarious state to be in – kind of like attempting to walk across a 100 foot tightrope that is millions of miles away from the ground – only in this case, you’ve got to be sure of your next move because a misstep could leave you crashing down to earth into a crowd of angry spectators just waiting to tear you apart.

Cece is currently on this figurative tightrope. But she has handled the situation with such honesty, grace, and class, and we love it!

Via a Youtube vlog, Cece recently revealed that she went from a US size 28 to a size 18 over a 2-year period. She revealed so many aspects of her personal struggle including:

• How she needed to lose weight during the course of battling major health issues
• Sometimes hiding behind the umbrella of “body positivity” in the past, when she clearly knew she should have been making healthier decisions food-wise
• Overcoming emotional eating
• Being apprehensive about talking about her weight loss due to feared backlash from the body positivity community

and more! Y’all need to watch the video to get the whole scoop.

The moral of the story: You can practice body positivity and still consciously make efforts to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Afterall, the ultimate goal of body positivity is to love your body. And part of loving your body is making decisions that enable it to function well by making healthier nutrition decisions, engaging in physical activity, and doing whatever it takes to achieve wellness.

Photo Credit: Cece Olisa