Really, I thought that this was going to be a lifetime friendship. I’m not gonna go into details about what transpired, because I do not want to relive the hurtful moments or the stress involved with coping with this experience.

However, I want to talk about things I have learned from losing friendships based on my experience, with the hope that someone going through a similar experience can learn a thing or two from mine.

• Not All Friendships Are Meant To Last Forever: As much as it hurts to say this, it is actually true. Some friendships are seasonal or meant to only last for a certain amount of time. There are even times when you are best friends with someone this period and later on, you barely keep in touch with each other. I don’t know if there’s a way to ascertain what kind of friendship you have with all the people in your life, but I do know that not all friendships are lifetime friendships. It is what it is.
• The Internal Questioning Never Ends – When you lose a friendship that you thought would last forever, there is a lot of internal questioning. You find yourself asking if you are a bad person or a bad friend. Even when it’s evident that the other person is at fault, there will be times when you find yourself thinking about what you ever did wrong that led to the death of the friendship. You’ll wonder if you could have done or said something different. If you fully believe that you had no part to play, and it was the other person’s fault, you may ask how on earth you were ever friends with that kind of person because that whole episode exposed you to a different side of them.
• Life Goes On – If losing a friendship caused you a lot of pain, it could lead you to a dark side. I once saw a tweet – “Friendship breakup hurts more than relationship breakup” and I can’t even explain how APT that saying is. However, the truth of the matter is this – life will and does go on. Maybe one day in the future, you will regain your friendship. Maybe truly that ship has sailed forever. Whatever the case may be, life will go on and I hope that you take the lessons learned from your lost friendships to help you become a better friend to the ones you currently have.

To my lost friends, Thank you for being a part of my life and even though we aren’t in each others’ lives anymore. I had good times with you and I will cherish those memories forever.

Be yourself

Although it may be tempting to over-exaggerate how perfect your life is and feign a personality that isn’t really you, please resist that urge. It’s not a job interview! You are looking to connect with this person on a deep level and see if there’s any chance that you two may be compatible. The best way to do this is to be yourself 100%.

Be on time

There was a time when it was thought that to spice things up and to heighten expectation of your date, they should be kept waiting. That’s a lame school of thought. Don’t be that person. If you are running late due to unforeseen circumstances, call your date on the phone and let them know that you’re going to be unavoidably late. It’s common courtesy and shows you are a considerate human being.

Have your OWN money

It’s old fashioned to expect a man to pay for a woman’s meal and, although he might offer, you should not assume that the man will pay. Always have your own money just in case.

Have something to talk about

It sounds obvious but one of the biggest fears people have about first dates is that the conversation will dry up. To avoid this happening look through your date’s social media pages and look for things that you might want to know more about. Subtlety stalk them online but don’t reveal every information you found about them, unless they might think you are a crazy stalker lol. People tend to be interested in people who are interested in them. So show genuine interest!

Be knowledgeable about eclectic topics

There’s only so much personal information you may want to share on a first date, so it’s good if you have some other topics of conversation to draw upon. Surfing the Internet and catching up on the latest trends around news, fashion, entertainment, movies or even events coming up in your local area will help keep the conversation flowing.

Use body language to good effect

Stand up when you greet your date, make eye contact and keep your body language open and receptive. Remember that 85% of what we communicate is non-verbal. Avoid awkward scenes as much as you can.

DON’T

Have your mobile phone on the table

Don’t even check it while you are on the date. Put it on silent or vibration mode for the duration of the date and give the person in front of you your full attention.

Update your social media status

You have to draw a line here because while you may want to be discreet about the fact that you are on a date, it is also okay to update your status about a picture of the hangout spot at least, for safety reasons, just in case things go awry. I mean after all, you’re only meeting said person for the very first time. Also, make arrangements to let your friends and family know how it is going, a quick text every now and then wouldn’t hurt.

Talk about your ex

This is one of the fastest ways to put a new date off. A first date is about looking to the future rather than dwelling on the past. Stay off this topic totally.

Overshare

Many people make the mistake of using a first date like a therapy session. Given a kind face and an attentive ear it’s easy to fall into the trap of offloading all your emotional baggage. Keep it light and remember you’re both meant to be having fun.

Wear anything uncomfortable

Wear something you feel comfortable in. The last thing you want to concern yourself with is a waist trainer that’s squeezing your stomach to the point where you can hardly breathe, or a strapless bra that keep slipping down. Look your best but don’t dress completely out of character – your date wants to meet the real you. Don’t try to overly impress your date.

Above all else, stay safe and remember that a first date with someone is simply an introduction. It’s a chance to have “alone time” and find out if you’d both like to go on more dates.

Photo Credit: Getty Images

Real friends support you, love you as you are, forgive you, and have your back. Fake friends tend to only cause drama for you and are not healthy for you to keep around. Plus, they are only around just because they need something all the time. Fake friends keep taking but never give.

You don’t need such toxic energy in your life!

Here are some tips to help you break up with your fake friend and to get yourself ready for ending your friendship with them:

• Assess your friendships – Some friends may be fake while some friends may be having a really difficult time in that moment. If they are real friends; they might not always say the right thing, but are willing to listen to you if you are struggling, they support you, they stick around during the hard times, not just the fun times.
• Determine if they are in fact, a fake friend – Try and determine if they are a fake friend. If they have entertained gossip about you behind your back, used you to get close to someone you are close to, only talk to you when they need something or embarrass you or make you feel humiliated in public, then you have to eliminate them from you life ASAP!
• Don’t fight breaking up with a friend – If you feel that your friend has changed, it may be a sign that your friendship is fading away. Even if you used to be close friends, people grow apart. Don’t fight that growth, just be glad for the good times you spent together.
• Remove the benefit for the fake friend – Removing the benefit may go against your personality if you tend to be a “people-pleaser,” but your fake friend may be taking advantage of you.  If they only call you when they want something, deny whatever their request is. Worse still, they might leave you alone after they know they can’t get what they want from you.
• Keep contact minimal – As you are preparing to end your friendship, distance yourself from the fake friend as much as possible. Politely decline invitations to hang out by saying “I’m sorry, I can’t right now.” The purpose for this is to give you a little space free from the stress of a fake friendship, while you figure out how to end the relationship with them. However, try to avoid outrightly ignoring them or giving them the “silent treatment.” This may be perceived as immature and could worsen things.
• Break up with them face to face – If you have decided you would like to end your friendship, make sure to do it right and give it the attention it deserves. You may be dreading it, but try and rise above those emotions and face the situation with maturity. Avoid breaking up with them over the phone or over text or e-mail. It sends the wrong message about you as a person and how you deal with your friends. Additionally, it risks more misunderstandings in communication.
• Set boundaries – Decide ahead of time what kind of contact you want from this person going forward, if there will be any. Make sure you are certain of your decision and ask them to respect it. Having your boundaries set beforehand will make it easier to stick to them later on. If you would prefer to never have contact with them again, than that is fine too. Let them know that you would prefer they do not contact you going forward.
• Stick to the boundaries you set – You may notice a small backlash from the break up with your friend. Your ex-friend may try and get back on your good side or get back in touch with you. If they do, remind them of the boundaries you set and ask that they respect them. They may be dealing with a lot of anger and may lash out at you in person, online, or within your group of mutual friends. Try not to respond to any of those behaviors at all. It may take some time, but they will accept it.
• Deal with the emotions of losing a friend. Even though you were the one to end the friendship, realize that a friendship still ended. You may be feeling a mix of emotions including relief, freedom, guilt, sadness, anger, or hopelessness. Let yourself grieve the end of the friendship and cope with whatever emotions or mix of emotions come your way. You can spend some time writing all the things you are thinking and feeling about the break up. I would personally recommend journaling about what you are going through, as that will help you process the emotions and constructively get them out.

Life doesn’t have to be dramatic and friendships don’t have to be hard. I hope these tips come in handy for you and that you find themuseful. Also, If you have really good friends, please invest in them. Don’t be selfish and always be there for them, as much as you can.

Photo Credit: Pop Sugar

Are you currently in a long distance relationship? Here are a couple of tips we hope will help:

Stay in Touch
Since you won’t be seeing each other in person, it’s important to communicate as often as you can. These don’t always have to be long, in-depth conversations but frequent communication, no matter how minor, will show that you care enough to put in the time and effort into the relationship. It’s easier to keep up to date with each other’s lives because if you allow days to pass by without connecting, your everyday experiences fade into the background, and you will have to start from scratch every time you speak.

Thankfully with technology and digital media, communicating and staying in touch has become so much easier.

Visit as often as possible
Try to take out time to visit each other as often as your budget permits. You need to see each other in person at every opportunity. Make a regular visiting schedule or at least make plans for the next visit as soon as each one ends. Face-to-face communication is just as important as having trust and commitment in a relationship. You can also create your own rituals around your visits, like eating at a favorite restaurant, enjoying a quiet night together at home, or sharing a favorite activity.

Support each other despite the distance
Be there for your partner if your partner is ever in trouble, hurt, or in need of a shoulder to lean on. You need to make yourself available to help so your partner knows you care. If your partner ends up dealing with important issues alone, over time, he/she will eventually not need you. Supporting each other irrespective of physical distance, creates an interdependence that is crucial for a long distance relationship.

Honesty is vital
Trust in a relationship is vital, regardless of the distance. Try your best to be faithful and avoid temptation. If you do make a mistake, it’s especially important to be honest and tell your partner the truth even in cases where lying would benefit you. For example, if you put yourself in a position of temptation (like hanging out with a person your partner doesn’t know about), lying about your whereabouts would benefit you personally, but won’t benefit your relationship because of your dishonesty.

Be committed to each other
Committment means taking time out to be there for each other irrespective of distance and schedule. It means making sacrifices and being devoted to loving someone even when sometimes, you may not necessarily feel lovey-dovey at the time. Also important to note, is that you should both be morally committed to each other and be willing to continue the relationship because of personal values, not because of social pressures.

Do the same things at the same time
This will make the distance between you seem smaller and more bridgeable. You’ll feel closer together and you’ll be bonding at the same time. If you’re unsure of things to do, try one or more of the following: Plan to cook the same meal on the same day, read the same book or article, watch a TV show, use video calls while having meals or watching movies together, etc. Doing all these occasionally can make you feel closer. If time zones are too different, try instead to be online to say good morning or good night to your partner.

Make each other feel special
Try to do little things that let the other person know that you care. You may write love letters and send them in the mail. Or, send small gifts, cards, or flowers for no reason.

Talk through doubts, uncertainty, and fear together
While it’s understandable that you might only want to focus on the positive, explore the scary and difficult subjects along with the good. Consider this as a chance to explore your feelings together honestly. Recognizing your partner’s ups and downs while you are physically apart will make you more accepting and comfortable with their low points when you see each other and will eventually be with each other in person.

Remember that your partner is human
Distance makes the heart grow fonder, but can also make you idealize your partner. While this can make your relationship stable, extreme idealization (thinking your partner is perfect) will make it more difficult to reunite with the actual person.

Stay positive
Focus on the positives of the distance, such as the ability to pursue your interests, hobbies, and career objectives. Realize that the distance will also push both of you to be more creative when it comes to communicating and expressing your feelings. Look at this as a chance to test your communication skills and emotions. As long as you see the long-distance relationship as a temporary state, you will keep your chin up and send that feeling of security and happiness your partner’s way too.

Photo Credit: Shutterstock

In case you didn’t know, J’lo, 49, recently got engaged to her boyfriend of 1 year – former Major League Baseball player Alex Rodriguez. He popped the question during their baecation in the Bahamas. They both made the announcement on Instagram.

Alex posted this photo along with caption: Locking it down. #FutureMrsRodriguez

On her own page, J.Lo posted a series of photos with caption:

As expected, the Internet was in a frenzy following the news. Not just becuase they are such a cute couple and we’re all collectively rooting for them, but also because this will be J-lo’s  third marriage and fifth engagement in a lifetime and still, she is not ready to give up on love. She is one brave woman!

J.lo’s personal life has always attracted widespread media attention. From February 22, 1997, to January 1998, she was married to Cuban waiter, Ojani Noa. In 1999, while working on her first album, On the 6, J.lo began dating record producer and rapper Sean Combs a.k.a Diddy. After their breakup, she got into a relationship with former back-up dancer Cris Judd, to whom she was married from September 29, 2001, to June 2002. Following her second divorce due to irreconcilable differences, she commenced a high-profile relationship with actor and director Ben Affleck, to whom she became engaged in November 2002.

In February 2017, she began dating her current fiance, former New York Yankees baseball player Alex Rodriguez.

Whilst most people would say staying married is an accomplishment, I personally would say that being in love and not seeking anyone’s validation is the greatest thing. In J’lo’s case, she’s not afraid to let love win over and over again.

In this case, I guess it’s safe to say the fourth time is a charm. J’lo is the modern day Elizabeth Taylor and I love it. Congratulations to them both!

J.Lo’s life gives us hope that no matter how many times love slips through our fingers, if we have an open heart, our happily ever after could just be around the corner too.

People online are speculating that this statement was made in reaction to the current marital crisis rocking celebrity couple – Osas and Gbenro Ajibade’s marriage.

You may recall that Gbenro put his wife Osas on blast via Instagram over parenting differences concerning their daughter, Azariah.

Following the outburst, Shade Ladipo wrote:

“#MondayMusings #MyFellowHumans…Usually I do a video but I decided to save you from my ugly mug today
My Musings is about Marrying Up or Marrying Down
While I will focus on Marrying down, in my opinion Marrying Up also has its huge challenges
I’m pained when I see amazing, hardworking and determined women try to be put down by Society, Culture and then by Family
Family in this case is your spouse
Pls do not put yourself under any undue pressure to get married and then end up with a loser who will be threatened every time you breathe
Your calling is great and the man you marry must be able to take it and run with it
You need a man who understands that he must be your champion on and off the field
A man who is ready to be in the shadows so you can shine
Most women are ready to do this for their men so My dear pls don’t for 1 second think you don’t deserve such
Also pls let me debunk the lies ….
The man who will love you and worship you is waiting for you, don’t allow anyone fool you into believing that your Age or Stage will reduce those chances
Cock & Bull
Your chances are as high as YOU want them
Your self confidence and Self love will attract exactly the kind of man you deserve
There is no Marriage O’Clock and if pikin is your worry then Freeze your eggs or Adopt
Your happiness and Peace should always be Number 1
Don’t settle for anything less
Don’t Marry Down
Don’t Marry Up
Marry your Partner
Someone who sees you
Someone who accepts you
Someone who wants you to do better than him
Someone who loves you more than himself
I always felt She was Marrying Down and from that illiterate rant, I was right
#YouAreAmazingAndAwesome
#DontLetAnyoneTellYouOtherwise
#YouAreBlackGirlMagic#ShadeHasSpoken.”

***

What do you think?

Our grandmas say there were high moral values and standards back then. Women were seen as precious gems and they were cherished and loved by these men.

Well grandma, in recent times, a lot of things have changed. And I think that it’s because modernization and westernization have influenced our culture to a large extent, including our dating culture.

These days, women are being stringed along in relationships without any destination in mind. When you ask some men where the relationship is heading, their response would be “lets still how it goes”. 

In the process of waiting to for a man to decide, some  ladies have closed the door to other men, had countless abortions, and some have even given these men their life-savings and treated several sexual transmitted diseases. Others have even lost their wombs due to long-term abuse of their reproductive systems.

What inspired this write-up was a recent popular tweet I saw, tagged “O jewa ke eng? (A twitter slang for what is bothering you?).  In response, a lady  shared her dating experience, how she dated a guy for ten years, stole her father’s money, eloped with him to another state, dumped her education and aborted several pregnancies, yet the guy broke up with her over a text message. This lady was disowned by her family already. People on Twitter encouraged her to stay strong.

Easier said than done, but some ladies have landed at psychiatric hospitals due to heart- break and emotional trauma. You may begin to wonder if she was out of her mind for doing what she did. But truth is, people love differently and we have no right to judge anyone. Love is blind.

From my own perspective, I believe that all this can be avoided if single ladies become very prayerful and intentional about who they date.

Personally, I see dating as the period we get to know if whoever we are seeing will make a potential husband. It should be a DEFINED RELATIONSHIP. Personally, I cannot wrap my mind around dating a man just for fun.

I have few nuggets and recommended books that will help you if you are seeing someone new or you have been a relationship for a while and you have no idea where it is heading.

Set some standards: The moment you start setting standards in your relationship is the moment you realize the men that don’t meet up to your expectations. Don’t waste your time and energy. End the relationship now and stop making excuses. Below are some books that can help understand the power of having standards when dating.

• ”Act like a lady, Think like a man” –  Steve Harvey
• “Why men marry Bitches” – Sherry Argov
• “The Rules” Book – Ellen Fein & Sherrie Schneider
• “Boundaries in Dating”  – Henry Cloud

Be intentional: One time when I was hanging out with my girlfriends, we were gisting about our men, then I asked why they are dating who they were with. Surprisingly, I got ridiculous answers like, “I know he is not the one but we just having fun.” Some said, “at least I have a boyfriend who can take me out whenever I want.” Dating men for superficial reasons is not advisable, as a matter of fact, that is where some ladies get stuck. You don’t want to be stuck do you? Please be intentional about your dating life. Some books to help you in this area are as follows:

• “The lady her lover and her lord” – T.D Jakes
• “Waiting and Dating”  – Myles Munroe
• “Secrets of an Irresistible Woman” – Michelle Hammond

Read these books, feed your mind and empower yourself.  You are not some piece of rag any man can use and dump. You are a Queen, wear your crown well.

Photo Credit: Shutterstock

But the fact of the matter is that sometimes due to work commitments or other reasons, one or both individuals in the relationship may choose not to go on honeymoon immediately after they wed.

We love the fact that Bollywood actress, Priyanka Chopra, and her singer husband Nick Jonas, who are newlyweds, are not succumbing to pressure to go on honeymoon right away.

After the couple were spotted at a work event for dating app, Bumble, barely one week after getting married, due to Priyanka’s pre-scheduled contractual agreement with the brand, she revealed to ELLE:

“My work and Nick’s work are very important to us.”

She further revealed that she had committed to the Bumble event before she set her wedding date.

“My commitments matter to me a lot. My word is my bond. And we had decided to do this a long time ago before anyone was getting married and so I stuck to my commitment. But besides that it’s something I’m really excited about as well.”

To brides considering whether or not go on honeymoon right after their wedding, Priyanka advises:

“I would just tell brides out there, whatever your priority is, is right. It doesn’t matter if your priority is work, that’s right. If your priority is honeymoon, that’s right. If your priority is doing nothing, that’s right too. ’Cause as newlyweds, it’s really your turn. you get to do whatever you want. And with us, these are the choices we took that work for us.”

Speaking of unconventional choices that have worked for the couple, here are a few more:

•  Priyanka is 36 years old, and Nick is 25. So there’s an 11-year age gap between them.
• She’s Indian and he’s American. An amazing blend of cultures

Wishing the pair a happy married life!

Photo Credit: Getty Images | Pallav Paliwal | ELLE

Reports state that he got married to his American-based fiancee, named Betty Jennifer, on October 6th, in Ghana.

Chris took to Instagram to share the news, stating:

“I want to thank God for his love and for hearing my prayers, indeed when the sun appears, all things are suddenly seen with clarity!!! Thank you Jesus, thank you lord!!! ”

You may recall that in a September 2017 interview with BellaNaija, Attoh spoke about his divorce, stating:

“Dami is a wonderful woman and an amazing mother. Despite our differences, she and I will always be friends. So more than anything we will find ways to continue to make sure that Brian can still have a balanced upbringing filled with love and support. Both our families have been and are still very supportive in helping us take care of our son Brian when we can’t be there due to work.” 

It has been interesting seeing people’s reactions to the news about Chris Attoh‘s new marriage. From what we see online, most people are criticizing Chris because from their perspective, he moved on from the divorce “too soon.”

Here’s an overview of what many people are saying:

Others have different viewpoints:

***

What’s your take on this? How soon is “too soon” to re-marry after a divorce?

I really don’t know what’s up with some of our church brothers. But for those that are sincere and would like some useful tips on how to approach that attractive lady in church, read closely:

1. Get Active: Work for God:  One of the best ways to get to know people in church is through volunteering your time or talent. It gives you the chance to interact with different types of people as well as get closer to that lady you fancy.

2. Do not be a show off:  In a highly materialistic society, a church girl would typically want you to be conservative in your appearance.  Don’t try to impress them with your nice clothes or nice car or name dropping personalities you know in church. Sure they notice all those things but they don’t like it when that’s the all you lead with.

3. Do not be seeing unnecessary ‘visions’: I know the “spiricoco” ladies can come across as very serious. Yes, they want the serious intentions but not the overly spiritual approach – you know, “The lord showed me you are my wife” kind of approach. Stop it! Be relatable. Be normal.

4. Be intentional in your approach:  The last thing any woman wants is negative surprises or mixed signals. If/when you do ask her out on a date be open.

Example:

Open Approach:  “I enjoyed your worship session today, there is Nathaniel Bassey concert next weekend…would you like to attend”.

Vague Approach: “you’re a great soloist…I would love to see you praise and worship more. You are blessed.” Huh???

5. Do not stalk her: Even if you really, really, really like a girl, and Jesus told you personally that she is your wife, please do not stalk her. Meaning: Just because the pastor said “give your neighbor a hand shake” doesn’t mean you should cross the aisle to shake her hand OR deliberately sit next to her every Sunday.

In summary, brothers, to pursue a Christian girl, be intentional, be honest and don’t act crazy.