Relationships are only worth having if they’re with the right person. Otherwise, it may become more of a thorn in your flesh than something that brings you joy, peace and growth.
We’ve rounded up some telling signs that you might want to consider when figuring out if that relationship needs to stay or if it’s gotta take a hike.
Here are a few below:
They want to change you – and not in a positive way
I didn’t realise how integral this was until I witnessed a friend date someone who wanted her to be an upgraded version of the woman he thought she was. He repeatedly complained about her outfits, her personality and even her mannerisms. Eventually, the relationship broke down because she was always sad and started to feel small. You don’t have to wait too long, nip it in the bud. If he doesn’t love you just the way you are, keep it moving. There’s a long queue and he just might be blocking the true love of your life.
They pass the ‘bar test’
According to Erika Ettin, dating coach and founder of dating site A Little Nudge, the bar test is when you’re at a bar (or restaurant, wherever) with your new partner, are you looking around to see who else is out there or who might see you two together? Or, are you perfectly content with your partner, and you want everyone there to notice you with him/her? If the latter is true, then he/she passes the test. But if it’s the former, it might be time to decide whether being in a relationship with this person is your best option.
They fit into your life
“A good sign that someone is right for you is if you can imagine that person fitting in to other parts of your life and not just living in a microcosm of the relationship. Ask yourself: Do they get along with the other people in my life? Do I get along with their friends and family? Do we have mutual interests and things that we enjoy doing together that can be a source of sustainability in a relationship? If the answer is yes, then you may be on the right track,” says Holly Daniels, a doctor who specialises anxiety, co-dependency, and relationship addiction.
They comfort you when you’re sad
Life frequently throws trials our way. In fact if there’s one thing we know is inevitable, it’s that we will always encounter difficulty, no matter what. Having a partner only makes sense when they’re able to stick with you through thick or thin. How do they react when you’re facing a crisis or when you’re going through challenges? Do they keep their distance and wait for you to snap out of it? Are they supportive? Do they lend a shoulder for you to cry should you need to? Do they lend a helping hand if they have the means? If you can answer these questions in the affirmative, you’re on the right track.
Your Happiness is a source of happiness for them
According to Laura Van Der Drift, an associate professor of Psychology at Syracuse University‘s College of Arts and Science, “it certainly helps if you’re dating someone that you want to make happy and who wants to make you happy in return. Couples who each truly place the needs and wants of their partners on par with or above their own seem to handle a lifetime of compromising, juggling priorities, and collaborating better than couples who individually pursue their own best interests.”
Here’s to hoping your relationship satisfies the above. If it doesn’t, you might have some thinking to do.
