Our grandmothers frequently tell us about the “good old days” in the 50’s, 60’s or maybe 70’s. How they met their husbands, how they secretly hid at the back of the tree just to see each other, the wooing process , the love letters and how a man would go through great lengths to prove his strength and masculinity before paying their bride price.
Our grandmas say there were high moral values and standards back then. Women were seen as precious gems and they were cherished and loved by these men.
Well grandma, in recent times, a lot of things have changed. And I think that it’s because modernization and westernization have influenced our culture to a large extent, including our dating culture.
These days, women are being stringed along in relationships without any destination in mind. When you ask some men where the relationship is heading, their response would be “lets still how it goes”.
In the process of waiting to for a man to decide, some ladies have closed the door to other men, had countless abortions, and some have even given these men their life-savings and treated several sexual transmitted diseases. Others have even lost their wombs due to long-term abuse of their reproductive systems.
What inspired this write-up was a recent popular tweet I saw, tagged “O jewa ke eng? (A twitter slang for what is bothering you?). In response, a lady shared her dating experience, how she dated a guy for ten years, stole her father’s money, eloped with him to another state, dumped her education and aborted several pregnancies, yet the guy broke up with her over a text message. This lady was disowned by her family already. People on Twitter encouraged her to stay strong.
Easier said than done, but some ladies have landed at psychiatric hospitals due to heart- break and emotional trauma. You may begin to wonder if she was out of her mind for doing what she did. But truth is, people love differently and we have no right to judge anyone. Love is blind.
From my own perspective, I believe that all this can be avoided if single ladies become very prayerful and intentional about who they date.
Personally, I see dating as the period we get to know if whoever we are seeing will make a potential husband. It should be a DEFINED RELATIONSHIP. Personally, I cannot wrap my mind around dating a man just for fun.
I have few nuggets and recommended books that will help you if you are seeing someone new or you have been a relationship for a while and you have no idea where it is heading.
Set some standards: The moment you start setting standards in your relationship is the moment you realize the men that don’t meet up to your expectations. Don’t waste your time and energy. End the relationship now and stop making excuses. Below are some books that can help understand the power of having standards when dating.
- ”Act like a lady, Think like a man” – Steve Harvey
- “Why men marry Bitches” – Sherry Argov
- “The Rules” Book – Ellen Fein & Sherrie Schneider
- “Boundaries in Dating” – Henry Cloud
Be intentional: One time when I was hanging out with my girlfriends, we were gisting about our men, then I asked why they are dating who they were with. Surprisingly, I got ridiculous answers like, “I know he is not the one but we just having fun.” Some said, “at least I have a boyfriend who can take me out whenever I want.” Dating men for superficial reasons is not advisable, as a matter of fact, that is where some ladies get stuck. You don’t want to be stuck do you? Please be intentional about your dating life. Some books to help you in this area are as follows:
- “The lady her lover and her lord” – T.D Jakes
- “Waiting and Dating” – Myles Munroe
- “Secrets of an Irresistible Woman” – Michelle Hammond
Read these books, feed your mind and empower yourself. You are not some piece of rag any man can use and dump. You are a Queen, wear your crown well.
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